10 Secrets to a Better Love Life
Too much boredom in your bedroom? Revitalize your sex life with these 10 tips.
Figure Out What You Really Want
Everyone's got sexual fantasies of one sort or another. But for
some people, those fantasies can be buried pretty deep. If your partner were to
turn to you tonight and say, "What's your ultimate sexual fantasy?" or
"What do you want to change about how we have sex?" do you know what
If you're not sure, you're not alone. "Some people have to
do a little work at figuring out what really arouses them," says Weston.
But figuring out what you want is key to having a better love life.
So give it a little effort. Weston observes that there are
plenty of tools out there to help: books, magazines, videos, and so on. Once
you've come up with some ideas, telling your partner about them could be fun
for both of you.
Find Out What Your Partner Wants
And then there's the flip side: You need to ask your partner
the same questions that you've asked yourself. What does your partner want from
your love life?
According to Weston and Castleman, one of the most common complaints they hear
is that one partner wants to have sex more than the other.
Some people may huffily assume that they just have higher sex
drives than their partners do. But maybe your partner is looking for something
different out of your love life but hasn't felt able to ask. So bring up the
subject. Talking openly might bring you closer to one another, and that's
likely to make sex more interesting for both of you.
Try Something New
Trying something new in the bedroom is a pretty obvious
suggestion for attaining a better love life, but it's one that many people have
"For a lot of couples, the longer they're together, the
more they play it safe sexually," says Weston. "You think it would go
the other way, that as people get more comfortable in a relationship they feel
more secure to try new things. But that's not the case."
Castleman agrees. "People resist change, especially
intimate change," he says. "If you're in an established relationship,
you may feel like you have more to lose. You don't want to rock the
But both Castleman and Weston recommend resisting the impulse
to play it safe. This can mean all sorts of things -- maybe lingerie, massage,
sex toys and so on -- and trying something new doesn't have to be
"People have a lot of crazy notions about what a sexual
fantasy should be," says Castleman. "They think it must mean S&M or
sex on a Ferris wheel. But there are a lot less wild ways of experimenting with
Weston agrees. "One small change that can have a big effect
is to interrupt the pattern to how you usually have sex," says Weston.
"If you're usually the shy one who waits for the other person to begin
things, try starting it yourself. Just take a risk, even if it's a little