10 Secrets to a Better Love Life
Too much boredom in your bedroom? Revitalize your sex life with these 10 tips.
Don't Ignore Sexual Problems
Sexual problems are a much more open secret now than they once
were. For instance, thanks to the efforts of pharmaceutical companies and late
night comics, there aren't many people left in the country who aren't aware of
medications for erectile
Of course, that doesn't mean that everyone who needs help is
"People who have sexual problems do often shy away from sexuality because
they don't want to face failure," says Weston. "But these problems need
to be addressed head on."
Erectile dysfunction has received the most attention, but there are plenty of
other issues too, such as premature ejaculation, a loss of libido, or difficulty
reaching orgasm caused by medications or medical conditions
Weston reports that women are coming forward in larger numbers
and reporting sexual problems too, such as pain during intercourse or an
inability to orgasm. According to Castleman, many women complain about vaginal
dryness during sex, which can be painful.
"Lubrication is important," says Weston. "Because
in terms of how aroused a person is, lubrication for a woman is the equivalent
of an erection for a man."
Some sexual problems may need medical attention, while others
can be solved by trying different sexual techniques or buying a $5 bottle of
lubricant. But the important thing is not to muddle through with problems that
are making your sex life worse. Don't settle for a mediocre sex life.
And finally, Weston is quick to point out that no matter what
you've heard, drugs for erectile dysfunction do nothing to increase a
person's sex drive.
Some couples find that, the longer they're together, the
briefer and more businesslike their sexual encounters can become.
Castleman likens it to navigating a new neighborhood. When you
move to a new place, you're always trying out different routes to get to the
supermarket or the hardware store. But after time, you decide on the fastest
route and only take that one. No more meandering. The same thing happens to
couples as they become more familiar with each other sexually.
But the fastest, most efficient route is definitely not what
you want in the bedroom. Focusing on the destination -- and only the obvious
parts of the anatomy -- is the worst thing you can do, he says.
"The best sex emerges from whole body sensuality --
leisurely, playful, creative," says Castleman. "It has no real
direction, a little of this, a little of that."
Castleman argues that men especially have a tendency to go too
fast, something that's encouraged by the down-and-dirty efficiency of sex in
pornography. But Castleman says that many men find that their sexual problems
-- such as premature ejaculation -- subside when they learn to take their
"Leisurely love-making benefits everyone," says
Castleman. "Women get more turned on and enjoy sex more, while men have
fewer sexual problems and feel more confident about themselves in bed.