5 Things Super-Happy Couples Do Every Day
Or as Angie, 36, a marketing executive, says, "Life is serious enough,
isn't it? Sometimes you need to do something stupid. And if you can't be stupid
with your husband, who can you be stupid with?
So hold on, then: Is domestic joy found in partners smothering each other in
obsessive daily rituals ("Honey, don't forget, at 7:15 we have our nightly
cuddle, followed by the affirmation of our vows, our 7:35 spontaneous
flirtation, and then, of course, a new episode of Moesha at
Hardly. In fact, Tessina says that sleepwalking through a series of hollow
routines (although probably an apt description of your day job) is worse for
your marriage than having no routines at all. The solution, she says, is to
also make a daily habit of getting away from each other.
"You know that old saying, 'How can I miss you if you don't go
away?'" Tessina asks. "Doing things separately gives you a chance to
fill in the blanks that your partner can't fill in for you, for example, one of
you likes classical music, the other one likes sports. Plus, taking a break
from each other gives you more things to talk about, because when you're joined
at the hip, what's to talk about? You've already seen it all."
The point, naturally, is not to make space for each other in that
I-can't-wait-to-get-away-from-you sort of way but to pursue your own hobbies
and interests. It's a distinction that Joe tried hard to make to Lori during
their delicate pre-engagement negotiations four years ago.
"As a woman, you get this message that when you get married, you spend
every single waking second with your husband and you're so unbelievably
happy," says Lori, 34. "And my parents actually do spend every single
waking second together, and oddly enough, they are happy. So that's how I grew
up thinking you were supposed to be. But when I told him this, Joe was like,
"Because I watched my parents," says Joe, 29, whose parents divorced
when he was 22, "and yeah, they spent every moment together, but they spent
every moment together at each other's throats."