Dr. Phil & Robin's Do-It-Yourself Marriage Makeover
Problem 2: Money Miseries
Dr. Phil: Couples just don't know what to expect when it comes to handling money in a marriage. They don't realize what it takes to set up a household. They don't realize how expensive it is to have children. And so before long, racking up debt has become a way of life, and they're so mired down that it can feel hopeless.
But the answer is, they've got to come up with a plan that they'll commit to, and have the emotional integrity to stick with that plan. Look, it's math, it's not magic. It's not: We need this, we deserve this, we want this. You either have the money or you don't. I mean, I grew up really poor, and so did Robin, so we were on a cash basis growing up. It was: You work today, you eat today. You don't work today, you don't eat today. It's just that simple.
So first, you have to get real about what a fixed expense is. Because frankly, there aren't many. Food and shelter, that's about it. Cable TV is not a fixed expense. Your cell phone is not a fixed expense. Internet access is not a fixed expense. If you're trying to get out of debt, you have to be willing to treat everything as expendable.
Then sit down and say, "OK, here's how much we have, and that leaves discretionary income of X, whether it's $10 a week or $100 a week." If you say you've got $60 a week to spend on groceries, do not wind up spending $80. And be in this together: You make the plan together, you negotiate it, you execute it, and you live by it together. Don't make it about how he has to stop spending so much or you need more money for your hobbies. Be in it together, and come up with a realistic plan. And if you can't stick to it, sit down with your spouse and renegotiate. Don't make it about blame or recrimination. Make sure you both realize that you're in this together.