The Endless Dating Game
Tired of Being Single
And you'll find it easier to keep your spirits up if you work
at keeping your problem in some sort of perspective. "My love life has been
an unbroken series of disasters," you write, before ticking off some
relatively common frustrations that all single-and-looking people suffer.
Flagging interest, an early change of heart, sexual incompatability. Those
sorts of things happen, and it's frustrating when they do, but it's not a
disaster. Abandoned at the altar, domestic violence, hurricanes -- those are
disasters. You're just having a dry spell -- actually, you're not even having a
dry spell. You don't lack for dates, you're just not having much luck finding a
date who can turn into something more.
The only cure for run-of-the-mill dating frustrations -- and I
hope you're sitting down -- is yet more dates, some of which might be
frustrating. But continuing to date is the only way you're ever going to find a
keeper, and only when you find a keeper will you feel like your bad luck has
ended. But you can't date from a bitter, resentful, or desperate place; those
three emotions will all scare off potential boyfriends, as well as children and
small animals. You have to will yourself not to get bitter and try and look on
the bright side even when a new relationship goes suddenly south -- which
pretty much brings us back to "keep your spirits up," doesn't it?
Dan Savage is the author of "Savage Love," a widely
syndicated sex advice column, and The Kid: What Happened After My Boyfriend
and I Decided To Go Get Pregnant, a book about becoming a father. Like most
advice columnists, Dan has no professional qualifications, just lots of common
sense and a sense of humor.