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The Endless Dating Game

Tired of Being Single
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So don't wallow, get out of the house, and try keep your spirits up, OK? And you knew that already, right?

 

And you'll find it easier to keep your spirits up if you work at keeping your problem in some sort of perspective. "My love life has been an unbroken series of disasters," you write, before ticking off some relatively common frustrations that all single-and-looking people suffer. Flagging interest, an early change of heart, sexual incompatability. Those sorts of things happen, and it's frustrating when they do, but it's not a disaster. Abandoned at the altar, domestic violence, hurricanes -- those are disasters. You're just having a dry spell -- actually, you're not even having a dry spell. You don't lack for dates, you're just not having much luck finding a date who can turn into something more.

 

The only cure for run-of-the-mill dating frustrations -- and I hope you're sitting down -- is yet more dates, some of which might be frustrating. But continuing to date is the only way you're ever going to find a keeper, and only when you find a keeper will you feel like your bad luck has ended. But you can't date from a bitter, resentful, or desperate place; those three emotions will all scare off potential boyfriends, as well as children and small animals. You have to will yourself not to get bitter and try and look on the bright side even when a new relationship goes suddenly south -- which pretty much brings us back to "keep your spirits up," doesn't it?

 

Dan Savage is the author of "Savage Love," a widely syndicated sex advice column, and The Kid: What Happened After My Boyfriend and I Decided To Go Get Pregnant, a book about becoming a father. Like most advice columnists, Dan has no professional qualifications, just lots of common sense and a sense of humor.

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