He's Just Not That Into You!
Harsh words from the new movie may set single women free.
The Truth Shall Set You Free? continued...
The growth and popularity of Internet dating and social networking services may have fueled the need for such advice even more. Several scenes in the new movie discuss how new modes of communication such as texting, emailing, and social networking sites create even more venues for false hope, rejection, and booty calls.
What's more, "the Internet and the emailing that goes on before the first date creates the illusion that you know the person, and when they don't call you back, it seems more mystifying, but you really don't know each other at all," Saltz says.
People in Glass Houses Shouldn't Throw Stones
Friends create, analyze, and reinforce the excuses and reasons that women come up with because it could just as easily be them with this dating dilemma. "Everyone identifies with the victim, so to speak, and hopes that when they are in these same shoes, their friends can also think of reasons that he has not called," she says.
But "if you have a friend who can't see the writing on the wall and as a result they are not out looking for the next Mr. Right, then [being honest] would be doing the person a favor," she says.
"It's all a matter of degree, and there are also ways to wake someone up but spare their feelings," she says. "Try saying, 'You are terrific, he doesn't know what he is missing,' because there are ways to be supportive but still make it clear that they are hanging on to a pipe dream."
'He's Just Not That Into You' Excuses
Making excuses can be counterproductive outside of the dating world as well, she says.
"Hopefully your spouse should be able to say to you, 'I feel like we need to be having sex more often' without you saying, 'Of course, he wants more sex. He always wants sex. He is a sex maniac!'" she says. "You need to be able to hear the other person, consider what they are saying, and look at what you are doing to grow, change, and compromise," she says.
Or "if your boss is trying to tell you that you are not doing a good job and you walk around saying 'he has a problem' or 'she just doesn't like men,' it's not productive," she says. "You need to be able to hear criticism, obviously if it is constructive criticism, that's better."