He's Just Not That Into You!
Harsh words from the new movie may set single women free.
The Truth Shall Set You Free? continued...
The growth and popularity of Internet dating and social networking services
may have fueled the need for such advice even more. Several scenes in the new
movie discuss how new modes of communication such as texting, emailing, and
social networking sites create even more venues for false hope, rejection, and
What's more, "the Internet and the emailing that goes on before the
first date creates the illusion that you know the person, and when they don't
call you back, it seems more mystifying, but you really don't know each other
at all," Saltz says.
People in Glass Houses Shouldn't Throw Stones
Friends create, analyze, and reinforce the excuses and reasons that women
come up with because it could just as easily be them with this dating dilemma.
"Everyone identifies with the victim, so to speak, and hopes that when they
are in these same shoes, their friends can also think of reasons that he has
not called," she says.
But "if you have a friend who can't see the writing on the wall and as a
result they are not out looking for the next Mr. Right, then [being honest]
would be doing the person a favor," she says.
"It's all a matter of degree, and there are also ways to wake someone up
but spare their feelings," she says. "Try saying, 'You are terrific, he
doesn't know what he is missing,' because there are ways to be supportive but
still make it clear that they are hanging on to a pipe dream."
'He's Just Not That Into You' Excuses
Making excuses can be counterproductive outside of the dating world as well,
"Hopefully your spouse should be able to say to you, 'I feel like we
need to be having sex more often' without you saying, 'Of course, he wants more
sex. He always wants sex. He is a sex maniac!'" she says. "You need to
be able to hear the other person, consider what they are saying, and look at
what you are doing to grow, change, and compromise," she says.
Or "if your boss is trying to tell you that you are not doing a good job
and you walk around saying 'he has a problem' or 'she just doesn't like men,'
it's not productive," she says. "You need to be able to hear criticism,
obviously if it is constructive criticism, that's better."