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Health & Sex

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Loss of Libido in Men

Why men lose interest in sex -- and 8 tips to rekindle desire.

What Accounts for Loss of Libido in Men? continued...

The class of depression drugs called SSRIs can inhibit desire. So can tranquilizers and blood pressure medications. Illicit substances, such as heroin, cocaine, and marijuana, when used heavily and chronically, may also cause loss of libido. On the positive side, when you talk to your doctor about these issues, there are alternative drugs for depression and other conditions that may have less of an impact on sexual desire.

  • The Quality of the Relationship Is an Important Part of Libido

It is not only women who respond - with sexiness or inhibited sexuality - to how happy they are in their relationship. Problems with sex can - but do not always - signal other problems in the relationship that need to be addressed. Anger and disappointment often carry over into the bedroom.

  • Too Much Togetherness Can Sap Libido

The paradox of modern relationships is that greater intimacy may not make for better sex. "Sometimes too much closeness stifles desire; fire needs air," says Perel.. "Separateness is a precondition for connection. When intimacy collapses into fusion, it is not lack of closeness but too much closeness that impedes desire."

  • The Wrong Kind of Respect Can Cause Loss of Libido

For some men, the very love and respect they have for their partners - especially after the birth of a baby - can become an obstacle to sexual desire. "A lot of men find it difficult to eroticize the mother of their children. It feels too regressive, too incestuous," says Perel. And of course, if they are pulling their weight in the care of a baby or young children, the resulting exhaustion can sap libido for men as surely as it does for women.

Even where children are not involved, Perel reports that some men say things like, "I can't do that with my wife." Her advice? In the first instance, get some sleep. In the second, you never know until you try.

8 Tips for Rekindling Libido

The advice here is not so much about getting more, but getting better. Frequency is not the only measure of libido. Feelings count, too. If you look forward to sex, and feel good about it before, during, and after, that is the true measure of whether your libido is healthy. Here's how to help combat loss of libido.

  1. Get physical and Boost Libido

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