Loss of Libido in Men
Why men lose interest in sex -- and 8 tips to rekindle desire.
8 Tips for Rekindling Libido continued...
"When you have no desire you feel frozen. Juice is not flowing - so movement
is important, figuratively as well as literally," say Perel. "It gets people
unstuck." Take up a sport, go walking, with or without your partner. If
you already walk or run or work out, try challenging yourself just a little bit
further, so you feel a sense of accomplishment and vitality. That physical
confidence will carry over into sexual confidence.
Keep Expectations Real
It may take the pressure off performance anxiety to bear in mind that not
every sexual encounter has to be perfect. Probably only about 40% to 50% of
sexual events can be mutually satisfying, McCarthy writes in his book. If you
laugh off moments when things don't work right, your partner will be more
likely to want to experiment the next time around, since it takes some pressure
and guilt off of her, too.
Use Imagination to Fight Loss of Libido
Yes, exploring your fantasies is now regarded by marriage therapists as a
good thing. If you want your partner to share in the joy, you may want to both
explore further some of the newer erotic literature and films that include
female fantasies as well as male. After you've shared yours, ask your partner
about her fantasies. If she says she doesn't have any, don't stop there.
Instead, ask her to name just one thing she has ever wished a man would do to
give her pleasure. (That's a fantasy, but she may not call it that.)
Build Anticipation to Combat Loss of Libido
Sure, the idea of sex being utterly spontaneous -- no planning, just the
heat of the moment -- sounds great. But for anyone with jobs, family, and real
lives, there just may not be enough hours in the day to wait for the
inclination to arise. Instead, turn planning into an opportunity to build
anticipation, the way you look forward to going to a basketball game. Take
pleasure in the details - get your partner a little gift, put on your favorite
music from college days, turn off the phones and hire a babysitter to take the
kids out to a long movie so there will be no