May-December Couples: 5 Challenges, Solutions
What to prepare for if there's a big age gap between you and your partner.
So-called May-December relationships, in which there's a big age gap between the partners, can be rewarding -- and also challenging.
The good news is those issues can be handled, just like any other relationship issue -- regardless of age. You just have to know how. Here are five common problems that can happen, and how to address them.
One of the first barriers you may face is the reaction of your family and friends. For instance, they may say stereotypical things about "cougars," if the woman is the older partner, or "trophy wives," if the man is the older partner.
"This certainly is one of many kinds of pairings that may look odd to others, but when you start to know them it makes sense," says Rebecca Sears, LPC, a couple's counselor at The Imago Center of DC in Washington, D.C. "There is something about every couple that makes sense once you get to know them."
The trick is to help others understand why you "make sense." Some tactics Sears recommends are:
- Don't force your partner on your family, but make sure your family knows he or she can't be excluded from family functions.
- Realize that your partner may want to be connected with his or her parents even if they aren't accepting of you.
Gayle Luster, MA, a licensed counselor in Irving, Texas, adds:
- Tell your family you understand their concerns, but don't get caught constantly defending your partner.
- Be a team. When you're with family, don't leave your partner alone for long periods of time if you're concerned about avoiding uncomfortable situations.
- If all else fails, keep family visits short.