Find Information About:

Drugs & Supplements

Get information and reviews on prescription drugs, over-the-counter medications, vitamins, and supplements. Search by name or medical condition.

Pill Identifier
WebMD

Pill Identifier

Having trouble identifying your pills?

Enter the shape, color, or imprint of your prescription or OTC drug. Our pill identification tool will display pictures that you can compare to your pill.

Get Started
My Medicine
WebMD

My Medicine

Save your medicine, check interactions, sign up for FDA alerts, create family profiles and more.

Get Started

WebMD Health Experts and Community

Talk to health experts and other people like you in WebMD's Communities. It's a safe forum where you can create or participate in support groups and discussions about health topics that interest you.

  • Second Opinion
    WebMD

    Second Opinion

    Read expert perspectives on popular health topics.

  • Community
    WebMD

    Community

    Connect with people like you, and get expert guidance on living a healthy life.

Got a health question? Get answers provided by leading organizations, doctors, and experts.

Get Answers

Sign up to receive WebMD's award-winning content delivered to your inbox.

Sign Up

Health & Sex

Font Size
A
A
A

Standing by Her Man: Why?

Experts say emotions ranging from rage to humiliation affect the cheated-on spouse who decides to stay.
By
WebMD Feature
Reviewed by Louise Chang, MD

Fashionably dressed and smoothly coiffed, New York first lady Silda Spitzer's expression seemed to convey a mixture of sadness and rage during the Monday press conference where her husband, New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer, publicly apologized over his alleged involvement in a prostitution ring.

The news videos headlining the alleged infidelity of a powerful man brought up other similar images of late -- Bill and Hillary Clinton, former New Jersey Gov. James McGreevey and his wife, Dina, and Idaho Sen. Larry Craig and his wife, Suzanne.

Recommended Related to Sex & Relationships

Get Sexier — Without Sex!

By Lindsey Palmer Can taking a break from making love actually improve your sex life? Sex therapist and REDBOOK Love Network expert Ian Kerner, Ph.D., proposes just that in his new book, Sex Detox. Here, Kerner explains how it works:

Read the Get Sexier — Without Sex! article > >

In each case, the man was allegedly not faithful. And in each case, the wife stood by her man -- at least temporarily.

The latest case, as the others, brings up a host of questions for most of us: What are the cheated-on spouses feeling? Why do they stand by their partners? Why do they stay?

Experts consulted by WebMD say they don't know enough about the Spitzer case to comment directly on it, but through their years of experience working with unfaithful couples or researching fidelity, can suggest dynamics that might be occurring.

(Why do men in power seek out prostitutes? Read one expert's opinion about the case of Gov. Eliot Spitzer on WebMD's Sex Matters blog.)

Standing by Her Man: Despite Rage?

"The immediate reaction to the news of infidelity is a profound trauma for people," says Don-David Lusterman, PhD, a psychologist in Baldwin, N.Y., who is well known for his expertise in treating couples with infidelity issues.

"Men and women [both] are very traumatized," he says of the cheated-on spouse. "They really enter marriage thinking they are going to live happily ever after."

Terror can be the next emotion, after digesting the news, Lusterman tells WebMD. The spouse may ask herself or himself: "What else do I believe [besides thinking he was faithful] that I shouldn't have?" They may experience the anxiety of wondering what part of their life is as they perceive it and what part is not.

The immediate reactions to infidelity are "primal," says Marion Rudin Frank, PhD, a Philadelphia psychologist who works often with couples. "The green-eyed monster is there," she says. Cheated-on spouses typically are also fuming and grieving for the marriage they thought they had and the investment they have made.

1 | 2 | 3

Today on WebMD

couple not communicating
How to tell when you're in one.
couple face to face
Get your love life back on track.
 
couple having an argument
Turn spats into solutions
couple in argument
When to call it quits.
 
Life Cycle of a Penis
Article
HIV Myth Facts
Slideshow
 
How Healthy is Your Sex Life
Quiz
Couple in bed
Video
 
6 Tips For Teens
Article
Close-up of young man
Article
 
screening tests for men
Slideshow
HPV Vaccine Future
Article