Sept. 14, 2001 -- When I read that Rene Russo enlisted a
sex-appeal coach to prepare for her smoldering role in The Thomas Crown
Affair, I was immediately skeptical. After all, I'm pretty sure sculptured
cheekbones and perky breasts can't be learned. Still I wonder: With a little
professional help, can your average woman -- OK, me -- go from tepid to
Men don't like to talk about it; neither do their partners. But loss of
libido in men or inhibited sexual desire stresses a marriage more than any
other sexual dysfunction, according to Barry McCarthy, co-author of
Rekindling Desire: A Step by Step Program to Help Low-Sex and No-Sex
Losing interest in sex may not be as common an occurrence for men as it is
for women: It affects about 15% to 16% of men, and at least double that many
women. "But when men lose interest in sex it...
Intrigued, I do what any gal looking to boost her babe quotient
would do: I head to Los Angeles. I've booked a one-hour session with Barbara
Biggs, PhD, the Los Angeles sex therapist I've chosen to cultivate my inner
Before I set out, though, I have a dilemma to solve: How does
one dress for seductress school? Should my hair be up or down? What if my
personal sex-appeal coach tells me I'm hopeless, that my Wonderbra was a waste
of money? I haven't felt this flustered since my last blind date. And he wasn't
even a doctor. No wonder I'm nervous.
By chance, Biggs does not live up to her name: She's actually
quite petite. She's also warm and friendly, which instantly puts me at ease.
And she gets right down to business.
Debunking the Myths
"The biggest misconception about sex appeal," she says,
"is that there's one definition or ideal." She often hears women
telling her, "I've got to have long hair" or "I've got to have long
legs" if they have any hope of measuring up on the sexiness scale.
There is definitely more than one definition of what's sexy,
she says, so if you meet someone whose description of sexiness doesn't fit you,
you can walk away and fulfill someone else's definition.
There are other misconceptions, as well. Warmth, Biggs says, is
the essence of sexiness. (And all along, I thought it was the strategically
timed hair toss.)
"The average guy does not see himself as a super-stud,"
she says. (This, too, is news to me.)
"A friendly smile, with eye contact, shows you're confident
and approachable and probably won't shoot him down, something most guys find
incredibly appealing," Biggs says. (Now, I'm relaxing a little. After all,
who can't smile and zero in on someone else's eyes?)
My coach continues: "There's a saying: 'If you think you're
the most beautiful woman in the room, you will be.'" The same applies to