Sept. 14, 2001 -- When I read that Rene Russo enlisted a
sex-appeal coach to prepare for her smoldering role in The Thomas Crown
Affair, I was immediately skeptical. After all, I'm pretty sure sculptured
cheekbones and perky breasts can't be learned. Still I wonder: With a little
professional help, can your average woman -- OK, me -- go from tepid to
By Jennifer Benjamin
Miss that erotic charge you had when your love was brand-new? Reboot in
the bedroom with these tips for turning up the heat on your old flame.
Long-term love brings all sorts of advantages: a shared history with the guy
you love most, a partner who you know will always have your back, and a warm,
satisfying sexual connection that can only come from years of intimacy. Still,
as great as it is to know each other so well in bed, how could you not miss
that crackle and...
Intrigued, I do what any gal looking to boost her babe quotient
would do: I head to Los Angeles. I've booked a one-hour session with Barbara
Biggs, PhD, the Los Angeles sex therapist I've chosen to cultivate my inner
Before I set out, though, I have a dilemma to solve: How does
one dress for seductress school? Should my hair be up or down? What if my
personal sex-appeal coach tells me I'm hopeless, that my Wonderbra was a waste
of money? I haven't felt this flustered since my last blind date. And he wasn't
even a doctor. No wonder I'm nervous.
By chance, Biggs does not live up to her name: She's actually
quite petite. She's also warm and friendly, which instantly puts me at ease.
And she gets right down to business.
Debunking the Myths
"The biggest misconception about sex appeal," she says,
"is that there's one definition or ideal." She often hears women
telling her, "I've got to have long hair" or "I've got to have long
legs" if they have any hope of measuring up on the sexiness scale.
There is definitely more than one definition of what's sexy,
she says, so if you meet someone whose description of sexiness doesn't fit you,
you can walk away and fulfill someone else's definition.
There are other misconceptions, as well. Warmth, Biggs says, is
the essence of sexiness. (And all along, I thought it was the strategically
timed hair toss.)
"The average guy does not see himself as a super-stud,"
she says. (This, too, is news to me.)
"A friendly smile, with eye contact, shows you're confident
and approachable and probably won't shoot him down, something most guys find
incredibly appealing," Biggs says. (Now, I'm relaxing a little. After all,
who can't smile and zero in on someone else's eyes?)
My coach continues: "There's a saying: 'If you think you're
the most beautiful woman in the room, you will be.'" The same applies to
Your Personal Top 10 List
But if you can't imagine thinking that you're the sexiest
person in any room -- ever -- it's time to catalog your positive traits. To do
this, Biggs says, you have to look at yourself without judging. (Recruit
several friends for unbiased feedback.)
First, address the body-image issue.
"Most women think they're too fat, but women are meant to
be round," Biggs says. "This is about looking at your curves and
appreciating them as an artist might. This is not about trying to count your