When Pain Comes Between Us
Video Transcript
ROBIN ROBERTS: Whether you
or someone you love
suffers from recurring
migraines, they often test
the patience and resolve
of family and friends.
Here now, the story of how
migraines turn one family upside
down, and why understanding
migraine's impact on caregivers
is so important in successfully
treating and supporting
patients.
MELANIE GROSSI: Very first trip
we ever took together,
Mr. Grossi.
ROBIN ROBERTS: Melanie and Chris
Grossi were enjoying a life
of adventure.
MELANIE GROSSI: One
of the things he wrote to me
in one of our early emails
when we were first dating
was that if I stuck with him,
I'd go places.
And it's really true.
CHRIS GROSSI: We've got a globe
on here, because the world is
our oyster.
MELANIE GROSSI: I have a charm
bracelet, and we have charms
that are related to all
of the different places
that we've gone.
So I always have this reminder
on my wrist of all
of the wonderful things
we've done.
ROBIN ROBERTS: But then her
once a month migraines started
recurring more frequently.
CHRIS GROSSI: We went from here,
occasional migraines, to there.
And you know, by the time we're
on day eight of a migraine,
it's like, we have a problem
here.
MELANIE GROSSI: There are days
where everything, including
the bottom of my feet hurt.
And I can't wear socks.
And clothes hurt.
And everything hurts.
And you'd cry, but the crying
makes everything feel worse.
To be 44,
and to realize that this could
be my new normal forever
is really heartbreaking.
MELANIE GROSSI:
That new normal completely
altered the dynamics
of their marriage.
Seven years later, nearly
everything about the Grossi's
life has changed.
The once jet-setting couple
is now homebound.
CHRIS GROSSI: It was really hard
when we had to cancel
the vacation that I had planned
for my 40th birthday.
We were going to go to Europe
for the first time together.
And you know, we weren't
able to do that.
For me, that was a low point,
because we didn't know
whether we'd ever be able to do
some of these things again.
MELANIE GROSSI: I have a lot
of guilt about that.
How can I do this, and have him
tied to a life like this, where
he wanted to travel and do all
of these things?
But I'm holding him back.
DAWN BUSE: So a lot of people
will feel very
guilty about the effect
that migraine is having
on their marriage, or in the
workplace.
Unfortunately, this
is a condition that
is a genetic predisposition.
They certainly didn't choose
to have this condition.
And they don't need to feel
guilty, and yet they do.
ROBIN ROBERTS: Melanie's
migraine forced her to leave
her job at Brown University,
and she can't take care
of her home the way
she always wanted to.
MELANIE GROSSI: I didn't really
have a good example of what it
was to have a good marriage.
I thought about what being
a wife meant to me,
and what I wanted
that to entail.
And for me, to not meet
the self-imposed expectations--
and they were never ever
expectations that were imposed
by him--
it hurts my soul.
Because it's not the wife
I thought I was going to be.
ROBIN ROBERTS: With Melanie
frequently in pain and out
of commission, Chris handles
most of the daily chores
like vacuuming and laundry.
CHRIS GROSSI: At any given point
in time, we're doing as much
as we can for each other.
And if that means that she can't
get out of bed on a given day,
then I trust that that's
because she can't get out of bed
on a given day.
And that's how it is.
But she does what she can.
ROBIN ROBERTS: Melanie and Chris
know that a weaker marriage
would not have survived
her migraine.
And Dr. Buse says they're
defying the odds.
DAWN BUSE: When someone is not
able to participate,
from finances to chores
to the fun things in life,
it puts a lot of strain
on the other partner, who may
feel like they have to pick up
a lot of the slack.
Certainly, talking
about expectations
and feeling within the marriage
is really essential for keeping
the relationship strong.
MELANIE GROSSI: We do have
to be conscious about like,
talking about how we're feeling.
And I have to make sure that he
knows that I'm not taking it
personally
if he's upset about something,
that I just want him to express
it to me.
CHRIS GROSSI: There's no point
being angry at each other.
I mean, I'm angry at the world,
at the universe for having this
happen.
But it's not your fault. There's
no reason to be angry at you
for all these things.
It is what it is.
That anger leads to bad places.
And I just refuse to go there.
ROBIN ROBERTS: But a place they
did finally make it to,
three years after they planned
it, was Europe.
MELANIE GROSSI: When I look
at the pictures
from that London and Paris trip,
as opposed to looking
to the pictures
over the last seven years,
that was one of the first times
in a couple of years
that you could see true joy
in my face.
I couldn't believe that I was
standing in front of the Eiffel
Tower.
I couldn't believe that we were
in London.
In my life, I'd never imagined
I would ever get there.
And all of those things
happened in my life because
of my husband.
All of the things that are
good for me are because of him.
CHRIS GROSSI: And that's what I
want to have happening,
and not migraines.
Now it's my turn to tear up.
But yeah, that's what we wanted,
what we want.
So we just work
through the rest.
ROBIN ROBERTS: So how well are
you managing your migraines?
Go to WebMD.com/migraine to take
an assessment.
You'll get personalized results,
with strategies to help you live
better.