10 Secrets to a Better Love Life
Too much boredom in your bedroom? Revitalize your sex life with these 10 tips.
Try Something New
Trying something new in the bedroom is a pretty obvious
suggestion for attaining a better love life, but it's one that many people have
"For a lot of couples, the longer they're together, the
more they play it safe sexually," says Weston. "You think it would go
the other way, that as people get more comfortable in a relationship they feel
more secure to try new things. But that's not the case."
Castleman agrees. "People resist change, especially
intimate change," he says. "If you're in an established relationship,
you may feel like you have more to lose. You don't want to rock the
But both Castleman and Weston recommend resisting the impulse
to play it safe. This can mean all sorts of things -- maybe lingerie, massage,
sex toys and so on -- and trying something new doesn't have to be
"People have a lot of crazy notions about what a sexual
fantasy should be," says Castleman. "They think it must mean S&M or
sex on a Ferris wheel. But there are a lot less wild ways of experimenting with
Weston agrees. "One small change that can have a big effect
is to interrupt the pattern to how you usually have sex," says Weston.
"If you're usually the shy one who waits for the other person to begin
things, try starting it yourself. Just take a risk, even if it's a little
Don't Ignore Sexual Problems
Sexual problems are a much more open secret now than they once
were. For instance, thanks to the efforts of pharmaceutical companies and late
night comics, there aren't many people left in the country who aren't aware of
medications for erectile dysfunction.
Of course, that doesn't mean that everyone who needs help is
"People who have sexual problems do often shy away from
sexuality because they don't want to face failure," says Weston. "But
these problems need to be addressed head on."
Erectile dysfunction has received the most attention, but there are plenty of
other issues too, such as premature ejaculation, a loss
of libido, or difficulty reaching orgasm caused by medications or medical
Weston reports that women are coming forward in larger numbers
and reporting sexual problems too, such as pain during intercourse or an
inability to orgasm. According to Castleman, many women complain about vaginal
dryness during sex, which can be painful.
"Lubrication is important," says Weston. "Because
in terms of how aroused a person is, lubrication for a woman is the equivalent
of an erection for a man."
Some sexual problems may need medical attention, while others
can be solved by trying different sexual techniques or buying a $5 bottle of
lubricant. But the important thing is not to muddle through with problems that
are making your sex life worse. Don't settle for a mediocre sex life.
And finally, Weston is quick to point out that no matter what
you've heard, drugs for erectile dysfunction do nothing to increase a
person's sex drive.