If you decided to have sex every day, would your relationship benefit?
Two long-married couples decided to find out. When lovemaking fell off their
respective "to-do" lists, they ditched the sweats, bought sex toys and
books, stepped up exercise, lit candles, and took
trips. Then they chronicled their "sexperiment" in two recently
released books, Just Do It: How One Couple Turned Off the TV and Turned On
Their Sex Lives for 101 Days (No Excuses!) by Doug Brown and 365
Nights: A Memoir of Intimacy by Charla Muller with Betsy
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But will daily sex really help a relationship that's hit a rough patch? Some
experts say yes; others aren't so sure. As for the two couples who tried it,
the Browns and the Mullers, both say the experiment strengthened their
marriages in -- and out -- of the bedroom.
Charla Muller had been married for eight years to her husband, Brad, when
she embarked on what she calls "the year of the gift" as a way to
celebrate her husband's 40th birthday Rather than fixing anything wrong in her
marriage, she writes that
frequent sex made her happier, less angry, and less stressed.
Doug Brown's wife, Annie Brown, initiated the offer of daily sex after
hearing about sexless marriages on Oprah. He had a similar revelation
after they started having daily sex. A feature writer for The Denver
Post, Brown writes of releasing "an avalanche of flesh pleasures upon
"There's a special sense of being desired that only comes from sex,"
he tells WebMD. "You can be good at your job or at sports, but the daily
confirmation you get through sex is a super feeling."
(Is this something you’d
ever try? Why or why not? Talk with others on WebMD's Sexuality:
Friends Talking message board.)
Reversing the Downward Sex Spiral
According to the National Opinion Research Center, the average American
couple reports having sex 66 times a year. Newsweek has noted that 15%
to 20% of couples have sex less than 10 times a year, which is defined as a
Familiarity, advancing age, work pressures, the challenges of raising a
family, and household responsibilities all conspire against regular sex among
many otherwise loving couples who feel too harried to get physical.
When Doug Brown and his wife began their experiment in 2006, they were
juggling two kids and two jobs. Married for 14 years, they averaged sex three
times a month. And he admits he had performance anxiety.
"I felt I had to be a porn star or an Olympic gold medalist. That melted
away with [daily] sex. We learned so much about each other. Sex became much
more playful and that translated into a more playful union. We regained an
electricity that wasn't always there before."