365 Nights of Sex: Can It Strengthen a Marriage?
When their marriages fell into the doldrums, two long-married couples decided to find out if having sex every day could boost their relationships.
The Science of Frequent Sex continued...
Andrea M. Macari, PhD, a clinical psychologist who specializes in sex therapy in Great Neck,
N.Y., says the theories presented in the two books reflect sex therapy
"Regular sex actually increases sexual desire in the couple," she
tells WebMD. "In other words, the more you 'do it,' the more the
individuals will seek it. You develop a desire that wasn't normally there. The
act itself is reinforcing."
But she points out that sex doesn't have to be "mind-blowing."
"I encourage couples to have 'good enough' sex. This sets realistic
expectations and often lowers anxiety. Sex is like pizza: even when it's bad,
it's usually still pretty good. On a scale from one to 10, good-enough sex is
between 5 and 7."
Doug Brown admits that he and his wife were tired on many nights. But, he
says, "Once we started, we got in the mood. We were never sorry we did
Scheduled Sex: Good for Your Relationship?
"The two married couples who document having sex on a daily basis are
great role models for other couples who want to take their relationship to a
higher level of intimacy," says Ava Cadell, PhD, founder and president of
Loveology University and a certified sex counselor.
Cadell's six-week course called "Passion Power" includes a
commitment form, a questionnaire, and daily sensual exercises to help couples
deepen their bond. "When a couple makes a commitment to explore and expand
their sexuality together, they become 100% fluent in the art of love, intimacy,
and sexuality. They can stay in lust forever."
But some experts think scheduled sex can backfire.
Pepper Schwartz, PhD, a professor of sociology at the University of
Washington in Seattle, says, "Whether or not it works, most couples can't
do it. Those who do maintain that kind of schedule have either a sexual
appetite of Olympian proportions or have at least one partner who finds that as
their most important way of staying connected and the other partner has
tremendous grace and goodwill. There are no couples I have ever met that are in
that good a mood, or have that kind of energy every day. So this is a model
that will appeal to few and be practiced by even fewer."