365 Nights of Sex: Can It Strengthen a Marriage?
When their marriages fell into the doldrums, two long-married couples decided to find out if having sex every day could boost their relationships.
Scheduled Sex: Good for Your Relationship? continued...
But, she concedes, staying sexually and emotionally connected on a frequent
basis has merit.
"Sexual attraction and sexual arousal
bring to bear two very important hormones, dopamine and oxytocin, both of which
create bliss and bonding. Even if the lovemaking session started out with only
a modest amount of interest, once arousal starts, these hormones create
attachment, pleasure, and intimacy. So while everyday sex isn't necessary,
frequent sex is a great bonus and even an essential part of most couple's
commitment and happiness with one another."
Stress management expert Debbie
Mandel, MA, thinks such sex might be a bit "gimmicky" and could lead to
"In many cases, abstinence makes the heart grow fonder. You don't have
to abstain for a long period of time -- a few days off creates anticipation and
eagerness. You might love steak, but having it every night diminishes the
gustatory pleasure. Habituate yourself to regular sex, but don't ever let love
become a routine, a robotic obligatory habit."
Doug Brown disagrees. He says setting up a period of time -- be it a long
weekend, a week, or a month -- is a way to jump-start a sagging sexual
relationship. "It should be possible for any couple to do it for a week and
for it not to be a chore. It's free and it's fun. Why not plan it and take
advantage of it? Anticipation is a big part of sex."
Having sex every day may be unrealistic for most couples, but if you and
your partner want to ramp up your sex life, experts offer the following tips
Increase in increments. Muller recommends couples start by doubling
their frequency. Then doubling it again in six months.
Re-examine your sex life -- often. Though they now average sex three
times a week, Doug Brown says his wife recently told him they need a
"tune-up," or a mini-marathon of sex.
Act on your desires. "Whenever you have the urge, says Macari,
head straight for the bedroom. The more time [that elapses] between having the
idea and following up and you'll lose motivation."
Fake it till you make it. Several experts agree: Even if you aren't
in the mood, once you begin, you'll enjoy sex.