"I tell my kids, a locked door in the morning means Mom and Dad are having time together. And sometimes my husband and I schedule to take time off when the kids are at school just to share some special moments; then we really steam things up!" — A.L., 46, Columbus, NJ "When my son was young, he hated naps, so we'd let him play in his room while Mom and Dad 'took a nap.' He never knew what we really did." — J.Y., 53, Sodus, NY "My husband and I set our alarm early and make love before we go...
The theory that men's and women's sexual desires are hard-wired isn't new. It's been controversial for decades. Now a central tenet of evolutionary psychology, the theory holds that our sexual behavior evolved over millennia and is encoded in our brains. We aren't doomed to act out these programs. But they do shape our desires.
According to evolutionary psychology, men and women each evolved their own strategies for seeking sex partners. If that's true, men's sexual desires should be the same for men everywhere. And the desires of men everywhere in the world should differ in the same ways from those of women. The same would hold true for women.
Now there's convincing new evidence that this is so.
It comes from the International Sexuality Description Project, led by David P. Schmitt, PhD, Bradley University, Peoria, Ill. The projects findings appear in the July 2003 issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. The title sums it up: "Universal Sex Differences in the Desire for Sexual Variety: Tests From 52 Nations, 6 Continents, and 13 Islands."
"Both men and women show signs of being programmed to be monogamous in a certain way and promiscuous in a certain way," Schmitt tells WebMD. "The main difference is in short-term mating strategies, or how men and women go about being promiscuous."
Good Sex Partners vs. Lots of Sex Partners
"We don't say men and women always opt for short-term strategies," Schmitt says. "What we are talking about is that when they go for infidelity or promiscuity, men focus on large numbers and women focus on quality."
What really irks Schmitt is that many people interpret this finding to mean that women are designed to be faithful but men are predestined to be promiscuous. That's not what the evidence shows. Instead, both women and men are fully equipped for one-night stands and lifelong relationships.