While lack of desire -- which can take many forms -- is one of the most common reasons to seek sexual counseling, it is far from the only one. If you think you have a sexual problem or are seriously dissatisfied with your intimate experiences, a therapist who specializes in sexuality can serve as a shortcut to the heart of the matter.
There are a number of ways to find a good sex therapist.
Men don't like to talk about it; neither do their partners. But loss of libido in men or inhibited sexual desire stresses a marriage more than any other sexual dysfunction, according to Barry McCarthy, co-author of Rekindling Desire: A Step by Step Program to Help Low-Sex and No-Sex Marriages.
Losing interest in sex may not be as common an occurrence for men as it is for women: It affects about 15% to 16% of men, and at least double that many women. "But when men lose interest in sex it scares them...
First ask those in the counseling business whose professional ethics usually guarantee confidentiality: a pastor, for instance, or a current or former general therapist, or a physician.
A physician may be the best place to start, because a sexual problem could stem from a physical condition or a drug side effect. Having a medical evaluation first to rule out physical causes for your sexual problems can save you time and minimize angst.
Other sources for sex-therapist recommendations include medical and psychological organizations, such as county medical associations. Or, if you really want privacy, go on the Internet and type in "sex therapist'' to find one via a search engine. There are private, legitimate counselors who conduct online sexual therapy.
It's important to ascertain whether a sex therapist has appropriate credentials. One way to do this is to get a referral from an established sex-therapy organization, such as the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT) or the American Academy of Sexologists.
In most states anyone can call himself or herself a sex therapist, but chances are if a practitioner is referred by a professional organization he or she has already met the certification requirements of that group.
For example, the AASECT's requirements for certification as a sex therapist include a master's degree plus three years (1,000 hours a year) of clinical experience as a psychotherapist or a doctorate plus two years of clinical experience as a psychotherapist. The AASECT also requires a state regulator license or certificate in psychology, medicine, nursing, social work, or marriage and family therapy; an alternative requirement exists for states that don't have regulations. Therapists thus certified must also complete at least 90 hours of training in gender-related issues, marital dynamics, psychosexual disorders, and medical factors influencing sexuality. (The remaining requirements are posted on the AASECT web site, listed below.)