The best way to find professional help for your own sex life.
While lack of desire -- which can take many forms -- is one of the most common reasons to seek sexual counseling, it is far from the only one. If you think you have a sexual problem or are seriously dissatisfied with your intimate experiences, a therapist who specializes in sexuality can serve as a shortcut to the heart of the matter.
There are a number of ways to find a good sex therapist.
Sara Blakely, 40, founder of Spanx, and Jesse Itzler, 42, cofounder of Marquis Jet and principal investor in Zico Water
Recently, while dining with his wife and some friends, Jesse Itzler, cofounder of Marquis Jet, a firm that rents private planes to celebs and execs, was puzzled when one of his friends asked him about the La Jolla, California, home he'd put on the market. "Oh, I forgot to tell you, I decided to sell the house," his wife, Sara Blakely, founder of the ultrasuccessful...
First ask those in the counseling business whose professional ethics usually guarantee confidentiality: a pastor, for instance, or a current or former general therapist, or a physician.
A physician may be the best place to start, because a sexual problem could stem from a physical condition or a drug side effect. Having a medical evaluation first to rule out physical causes for your sexual problems can save you time and minimize angst.
Other sources for sex-therapist recommendations include medical and psychological organizations, such as county medical associations. Or, if you really want privacy, go on the Internet and type in "sex therapist'' to find one via a search engine. There are private, legitimate counselors who conduct online sexual therapy.
It's important to ascertain whether a sex therapist has appropriate credentials. One way to do this is to get a referral from an established sex-therapy organization, such as the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT) or the American Academy of Sexologists.
In most states anyone can call himself or herself a sex therapist, but chances are if a practitioner is referred by a professional organization he or she has already met the certification requirements of that group.
For example, the AASECT's requirements for certification as a sex therapist include a master's degree plus three years (1,000 hours a year) of clinical experience as a psychotherapist or a doctorate plus two years of clinical experience as a psychotherapist. The AASECT also requires a state regulator license or certificate in psychology, medicine, nursing, social work, or marriage and family therapy; an alternative requirement exists for states that don't have regulations. Therapists thus certified must also complete at least 90 hours of training in gender-related issues, marital dynamics, psychosexual disorders, and medical factors influencing sexuality. (The remaining requirements are posted on the AASECT web site, listed below.)
Once you find a therapist, make only one appointment for a consultation. Don't sign up for a series of treatments before meeting at least once.
During the consultation, don't be shy about asking questions, advises AASECT Executive Director Howard Rupple, Ph.D., Ed.D. He suggests the following questions:
What is your educational background?
Are you involved in professional education work or training?
What is your approach to therapy? What will happen during the session? What kind of time commitment is necessary?
What are your fees?
Have you had experience treating the problem I have?
What do you require of me? (For example, some therapists will only see a person who is in a committed relationship.)