Dr. Phil Shares Advice for Managing Mental Health

Welcome, everyone. I'm Dr. John Whyte. I'm the Chief Medical Officer at WebMD. We're in a mental health pandemic here in the United States and around the world. People are struggling at work as employees, and they're struggling in their personal lives. We need to help everyone be able to manage their mental health to the best of their ability and maximize their wellness.

So joining me to help give advice that we can all use is my very good friend and mental health expert, you all know him from his show, Dr. Phil McGraw. Dr. Phil, thanks for joining me.

Well, John, thanks for having me again. And thanks for focusing on this very important topic because I think a lot of people are really struggling right now. And I hope that the stigma associated with mental illness is lessening and is not going to slow people down from asking for help.

And as we talk about this, I want to make sure that people know we're not encouraging people to self-diagnose, but we are asking people to watch for red flags so they know if it's time to reach out maybe to a diagnostician, a clinician, a therapist and get some help if they need it.

You mentioned stigmas. I want to go back to that. How do we address that that we're still talking about stigma?

It's built in to the industrial complex, and it's built in to so much of people's employment. We're sending that message that it is a weakness or a flaw. And I'm sorry that we do that because it's not. It takes courage to acknowledge that you have something that needs attention. And I don't see it as any different than having a kidney infection or a knee problem or something like that.

You and I have talked a great deal about the role of employers. We wrote an editorial a few weeks ago, published in USA Today, that talked about the role that employers need to play in maximizing employee wellness. And I want to start off with that first issue that's really on everyone's mind-- work from home. You and I have argued it's been the bright shiny object and it serves a function. But we're learning some drawbacks in the last couple of months. Is that right?

It is right. I think it's kind of a sweet poison. It does have some great benefits to it. You save the commute, which for some people can be a couple of hours a day, an hour each way, the stress of the commute you save, the money associated with the commute with gas prices. Definitely there are benefits to working from home.

But when you're siloed in that way, there are downsides to it. And the downsides that we're beginning to see are that first off, there's not that cross-pollination that you get when you're working on a team where you stimulate one another. We are seeing people that are feeling stress and loneliness. It is getting intrusive to their home life. And they're actually tending to work more, not less hours because they can't separate, they can't get away from it.

So what should employers be doing to help support employee wellness?

I think that the work from home portion of it is just part of it. And I think there has to be at least a hybrid situation. And that's what I'm seeing some people gravitate to now is where they're at least working a number of days in the office and some days at home where they're trying to transition back. But I think long term, working from home is simply not going to be a model that works well for mental health, even if it works well for the pocketbook or it works well for seeming lifestyle convenience. I don't think it works well mental health wise.

In some ways, it's reestablishing those boundaries. It's, as you and I have talked about, ensuring that people take their personal time off. Many people end the year not having used all their vacation days. We should hold managers accountable to making sure that employees take that. That could go a long way too, couldn't it?

It really could. And I think there has to be some open negotiation between management and workforce and try to come up with something that fits the needs. But I think people enjoy the lifestyle. But I think they're starting to recognize that it comes at a cost in terms of their mental-- their mental health stress wise, and there's a feeling of loneliness that's creeping in.

I want to ask you this because you and I both know there are plenty of employers who will say employees' mental health is not my job. It's not my business. I don't want to open up that can of worms. That's not my responsibility.

They may say not my job, haven't dealt with it before. Well, you need to make it your job, and you need to bring people onto your staff who can attend to those needs and sensitivities. And I'm not saying that you need to become a therapy shop. But you at least need to have someone that recognizes the need and makes appropriate referrals so your people can get the attention they need to maintain a good mental health and a healthy workforce.

You recently have done a show on loneliness, and you shared with me a statistic that I want to share with our audience. And it's in a recent survey, nearly 60% of adults-- 60% of adults reported feelings of loneliness, and 22% of millennials said they don't have a single friend. Now, what is going on here, Dr. Phil?

We have a generation that doesn't have a single friend is not as hard to believe when you realize that they're less engaged in life because they are device-dependent.

But what about in their mind, they've got 5,000, 10,000 "friends" on Instagram? I mean, how do we change that mindset? That's not a real relationship, is it?

A follower isn't a friend. And a like is not an engagement. It's not a dinner date or going to a movie with someone. And it's taken the place of that. You might even FaceTime or screen time back and forth with some of them, but that's different than the human warmth and involvement and engagement that's associated with human interaction.

There is nothing that can take the place of that. There's a difference between social isolation, which is geographical, and loneliness, which is a feeling that comes from the inside out. And that's why that group, the millennial group, reports the highest degree of loneliness out of any group, even the elderly.

How do you know if you're lonely versus alone? Because some people say, you know what, I like being alone. I like my own time. Those are different. So how does someone recognize, hey, they're suffering from loneliness?

Ask yourself three questions. How often do you feel that you lack companionship? How often do you feel left out? And how often do you feel isolated from others? And if the answer is often, then that's a pretty good litmus test for loneliness.

I think you have to ask yourself how dark it's getting for you. The best thing you can always do, I think, is to first try to behave your way out of the hole. And I always say the difference between success and failure is not fake it till you make it but to behave your way to success.

And ask yourself, what would I be doing if I wasn't lonely? And as cliche as this may sound, I think the best way to fill your void is to give away that which you need the most. Find somewhere that you can give to someone that companionship that you yearn for the most. I promise you-- I promise you that will fill you up faster than anything.

And it takes time, doesn't it? It's not going to happen overnight.

It takes you willing to invest time, energy, a willing ear to listen to someone, and invest yourself in someone else's life. And that is so fulfilling, I cannot tell you what a prescription that is for overcoming loneliness in your life.

How optimistic are you that we're going to turn this corner? You talked about how we're going to see the problems of the pandemic in terms of mental health for the next 5, 10, 20 years.

My answer is we're not going to be OK. We're going to make things OK. It doesn't just happen. I think we have to-- I think we have to be willing to say we're going to remain true to the values that have defined us throughout our lives.

And if the hill gets steeper that we have to climb, we're just going to climb harder. And it is steeper right now. There's divisiveness. There's some confusion. We've got some economy problems. But you know what, this is America. And I have great faith in Americans. I think we're tough. I think we're resilient.

And I am very optimistic that we will come out the other side of this. Will we come out better? I think that's up to us. And I think the answer is, yes. I think we-- I think we are resilient, John. I think we-- I think parents love their children, and we all want our children to have a better life than we had. So I think we'll work to make that happen.

And that's what we will leave our audience with. Thank you, Dr. Phil.

Thank you. We'll talk again soon. [MUSIC PLAYING]