Dating with Lupus
Video Transcript
SPEAKER 1: Hey, come on in.
SPEAKER 2: [INAUDIBLE]. How you doing?
SPEAKER 1: Nice to meet you. [INTERPOSING VOICES]
SPEAKER 1: Let's move over here. Oh, wow. Look who's here.
CHRISTINE MISERANDINO: Hey, girls. Let's have some girl talk.
KIM SCHOFIELD: Yes.
CHRISTINE MISERANDINO: I'm going to say a word to you. Tell me what you think. Dating.
KIM SCHOFIELD: Count me in. But you know, I had to get to a point where I was even ready to date. And I kind of felt like, with lupus, I didn't feel attractive. I didn't feel like I was a woman. So I felt like I didn't even have anything to bring to the table, and went through a period of that for a long time. Didn't want to bring anyone in my world, because I said it's not fair for you to even want to date me when I know that I have this illness that's going to stop me.
KARON BEASLEY: And you have to let them determine-- make that decision, and not decide something for someone. They can decide if they can handle it or not. Take that burden off yourself.
KIM SCHOFIELD: When I started to embrace that I am more than lupus, and that's my motto, I had to constantly remind myself, you know what, I am worth it. I am worth it.
CHRISTINE MISERANDINO: Lupus is definitely a huge part of our lives. It just is what it is. So you know, sometimes when you're dating, you know, you're a package deal. You get me, you get lupus. It just-- we come together.
KARON BEASLEY: Don't ever forget, though, you get their package, too--
KIM SCHOFIELD: Right.
CHRISTINE MISERANDINO: That's true.
KIM SCHOFIELD: Exactly.
KARON BEASLEY: Which could be someone else's children--
CHRISTINE MISERANDINO: Right, it could be anything.
KARON BEASLEY: Several ex wives. Or you may get a lot of debt from someone. When you start hearing people tell about all this stuff that they've done in their lives, not always great. And I think shoot, my lupus is nothing.
CHRISTINE MISERANDINO: Yeah, my lupus is nothing compared to your stuff.
KIM SCHOFIELD: Compared to this.
KARON BEASLEY: It's like, check, please. I'm good.
CHRISTINE MISERANDINO: Yeah, definitely.
KARON BEASLEY: I used to feel, when I was first diagnosed, I had a date, and conversation would be going well. And then I just felt like I needed to broadcast that I had lupus.
CHRISTINE MISERANDINO: Dun dun dun.
KARON BEASLEY: And they didn't ask. And so tip number one is they're probably ill, as well, with diabetes or heart disease or something. So keep it quiet.
CHRISTINE MISERANDINO: Everyone has something.
KIM SCHOFIELD: Right. KARON BEASLEY: And tell on your own terms if you can.
KIM SCHOFIELD: And sometimes when we talk too much about our disease, not that it's not real and personal, but it overwhelms the other person. So it is good that you read people's body language and you also know when they're ready to hear everything. So little phases, and not just to reveal too much too soon, because it can scare some people.
KARON BEASLEY: And half the time, they don't know how bad it is. They don't know what it is, or they'll say is it AIDS. I've had that question. I'm like, it's not contagious. And--
CHRISTINE MISERANDINO: That's a question that I know people have asked. Is it contagious.
KIM SCHOFIELD: Right.
KARON BEASLEY: I had a person ask me what kind of health insurance I had. And I said, look at that store over there. And I just had to redirect, because I thought I cannot get into this with you.
CHRISTINE MISERANDINO: The better question is, if I like you, what health insurance do you have.
KIM SCHOFIELD: Yes.
CHRISTINE MISERANDINO: You know, most-- many people say ask about their portfolio. Wait, no, no, no. What's your insurance?
KIM SCHOFIELD: Right. And on a scale of 1 to 10, how upset are you going to be if we spend a date at the emergency room.
CHRISTINE MISERANDINO: Right. And you know, even at that awkward moment at the end of the date where there could be a kiss, I can't lie. I really want to ask, how have you been feeling lately. Do you have a cold.
KARON BEASLEY: That's true, the germ thing is--
CHRISTINE MISERANDINO: It's not that I don't want to kiss you, but do you have any germs I need to worry about.
KARON BEASLEY: How have you been feeling?
CHRISTINE MISERANDINO: How have you been feeling lately. I mean really, if we're going to share funny stories, how about going on a four or five-hour date and then going to say goodbye and going goodbye, you.
KIM SCHOFIELD: Yeah.
KARON BEASLEY: Yes.
CHRISTINE MISERANDINO: Whatever your name is. [INTERPOSING VOICES]
KARON BEASLEY: I really like you, but I don't know your name.
CHRISTINE MISERANDINO: Whatever your name is, I enjoyed this date, and I will call whoever you are tomorrow.
KIM SCHOFIELD: Exactly. Well, I try to always get a business card for that purpose. And if I'm really having a fog day-- a fog moment, I will write the name on a hand, and occasionally glance just so I don't make sure that I'm not forgetting their name.
KARON BEASLEY: Well it's good to, as you get older, it was a little bit different in late 20s, early 30s, but as you get older, they're losing their marbles, too. So they can't remember anything. So I've learned-- I can let up on some of it.
CHRISTINE MISERANDINO: And we're so self-conscious, but they could probably easily say, oh, I just have a lot of my mind. And we can say that, too. The number one tip is do what you need to do to be comfortable.
KARON BEASLEY: And I really believe, when you're comfortable in your own skin, that's the most attractive thing to someone. And this takes time, you know. It just-- you have to work through many issues with having a chronic illness, no matter what it is. But just being comfortable with yourself I think really puts people at ease.
CHRISTINE MISERANDINO: I think lupus has taught me so much that made me an even better person to date. I definitely think I am a better communicator than I would have been without lupus. I think I'm a more caring person than I would have been with-- an understanding person, of their baggage maybe.
KARON BEASLEY: Yes.
CHRISTINE MISERANDINO: I think it gave me qualities that are going to make me more attractive to someone else. So that's-- it's all how you spin it.
SPEAKER 2: [INAUDIBLE]. How you doing?
SPEAKER 1: Nice to meet you. [INTERPOSING VOICES]
SPEAKER 1: Let's move over here. Oh, wow. Look who's here.
CHRISTINE MISERANDINO: Hey, girls. Let's have some girl talk.
KIM SCHOFIELD: Yes.
CHRISTINE MISERANDINO: I'm going to say a word to you. Tell me what you think. Dating.
KIM SCHOFIELD: Count me in. But you know, I had to get to a point where I was even ready to date. And I kind of felt like, with lupus, I didn't feel attractive. I didn't feel like I was a woman. So I felt like I didn't even have anything to bring to the table, and went through a period of that for a long time. Didn't want to bring anyone in my world, because I said it's not fair for you to even want to date me when I know that I have this illness that's going to stop me.
KARON BEASLEY: And you have to let them determine-- make that decision, and not decide something for someone. They can decide if they can handle it or not. Take that burden off yourself.
KIM SCHOFIELD: When I started to embrace that I am more than lupus, and that's my motto, I had to constantly remind myself, you know what, I am worth it. I am worth it.
CHRISTINE MISERANDINO: Lupus is definitely a huge part of our lives. It just is what it is. So you know, sometimes when you're dating, you know, you're a package deal. You get me, you get lupus. It just-- we come together.
KARON BEASLEY: Don't ever forget, though, you get their package, too--
KIM SCHOFIELD: Right.
CHRISTINE MISERANDINO: That's true.
KIM SCHOFIELD: Exactly.
KARON BEASLEY: Which could be someone else's children--
CHRISTINE MISERANDINO: Right, it could be anything.
KARON BEASLEY: Several ex wives. Or you may get a lot of debt from someone. When you start hearing people tell about all this stuff that they've done in their lives, not always great. And I think shoot, my lupus is nothing.
CHRISTINE MISERANDINO: Yeah, my lupus is nothing compared to your stuff.
KIM SCHOFIELD: Compared to this.
KARON BEASLEY: It's like, check, please. I'm good.
CHRISTINE MISERANDINO: Yeah, definitely.
KARON BEASLEY: I used to feel, when I was first diagnosed, I had a date, and conversation would be going well. And then I just felt like I needed to broadcast that I had lupus.
CHRISTINE MISERANDINO: Dun dun dun.
KARON BEASLEY: And they didn't ask. And so tip number one is they're probably ill, as well, with diabetes or heart disease or something. So keep it quiet.
CHRISTINE MISERANDINO: Everyone has something.
KIM SCHOFIELD: Right. KARON BEASLEY: And tell on your own terms if you can.
KIM SCHOFIELD: And sometimes when we talk too much about our disease, not that it's not real and personal, but it overwhelms the other person. So it is good that you read people's body language and you also know when they're ready to hear everything. So little phases, and not just to reveal too much too soon, because it can scare some people.
KARON BEASLEY: And half the time, they don't know how bad it is. They don't know what it is, or they'll say is it AIDS. I've had that question. I'm like, it's not contagious. And--
CHRISTINE MISERANDINO: That's a question that I know people have asked. Is it contagious.
KIM SCHOFIELD: Right.
KARON BEASLEY: I had a person ask me what kind of health insurance I had. And I said, look at that store over there. And I just had to redirect, because I thought I cannot get into this with you.
CHRISTINE MISERANDINO: The better question is, if I like you, what health insurance do you have.
KIM SCHOFIELD: Yes.
CHRISTINE MISERANDINO: You know, most-- many people say ask about their portfolio. Wait, no, no, no. What's your insurance?
KIM SCHOFIELD: Right. And on a scale of 1 to 10, how upset are you going to be if we spend a date at the emergency room.
CHRISTINE MISERANDINO: Right. And you know, even at that awkward moment at the end of the date where there could be a kiss, I can't lie. I really want to ask, how have you been feeling lately. Do you have a cold.
KARON BEASLEY: That's true, the germ thing is--
CHRISTINE MISERANDINO: It's not that I don't want to kiss you, but do you have any germs I need to worry about.
KARON BEASLEY: How have you been feeling?
CHRISTINE MISERANDINO: How have you been feeling lately. I mean really, if we're going to share funny stories, how about going on a four or five-hour date and then going to say goodbye and going goodbye, you.
KIM SCHOFIELD: Yeah.
KARON BEASLEY: Yes.
CHRISTINE MISERANDINO: Whatever your name is. [INTERPOSING VOICES]
KARON BEASLEY: I really like you, but I don't know your name.
CHRISTINE MISERANDINO: Whatever your name is, I enjoyed this date, and I will call whoever you are tomorrow.
KIM SCHOFIELD: Exactly. Well, I try to always get a business card for that purpose. And if I'm really having a fog day-- a fog moment, I will write the name on a hand, and occasionally glance just so I don't make sure that I'm not forgetting their name.
KARON BEASLEY: Well it's good to, as you get older, it was a little bit different in late 20s, early 30s, but as you get older, they're losing their marbles, too. So they can't remember anything. So I've learned-- I can let up on some of it.
CHRISTINE MISERANDINO: And we're so self-conscious, but they could probably easily say, oh, I just have a lot of my mind. And we can say that, too. The number one tip is do what you need to do to be comfortable.
KARON BEASLEY: And I really believe, when you're comfortable in your own skin, that's the most attractive thing to someone. And this takes time, you know. It just-- you have to work through many issues with having a chronic illness, no matter what it is. But just being comfortable with yourself I think really puts people at ease.
CHRISTINE MISERANDINO: I think lupus has taught me so much that made me an even better person to date. I definitely think I am a better communicator than I would have been without lupus. I think I'm a more caring person than I would have been with-- an understanding person, of their baggage maybe.
KARON BEASLEY: Yes.
CHRISTINE MISERANDINO: I think it gave me qualities that are going to make me more attractive to someone else. So that's-- it's all how you spin it.