What Is Sexual Orientation?
Sexual orientation is a term used to refer to a person's pattern of emotional, romantic, and sexual attraction to people of a particular gender.
Sexuality is an important part of who we are as humans. Beyond the ability to reproduce, sexuality also defines how we see ourselves and how we physically relate to others.
Sexual orientation involves a person's feelings and sense of identity; it’s not necessarily something that’s noticeable to others. People may or may not act on the attractions they feel.
Sexual orientation vs. sex
Sex refers to the physical traits a person is born with, like their chromosomes, hormones, and body parts, which normally categorize people as male, female or intersex (a mix of male and female traits). By comparison, sexual orientation is about who someone feels romantically or sexually attracted to, and how they see themselves based on those feelings.
Sexual orientation vs. gender
Sexual orientation and gender are two different parts of a person’s identity. While sexual orientation describes who a person is attracted to, gender refers to a person’s sense of who they are internally. Gender is a spectrum: Some people feel like a woman, some feel like a man, and others may feel like both, neither, or somewhere in between. A person’s gender might not match their sex.
Sexual Orientation Types
While everyone’s experience is unique, the most common types of sexual orientation fall into these categories:
Heterosexual: People who are heterosexual, also known as “straight,” are emotionally, sexually, or romantically attracted to people of the opposite gender (men attracted to women, and women attracted to men).
Gay: Gay usually refers to men who are attracted to other men, but some women who are attracted to women identify this way, too. More generally, it describes people who are attracted to their same or similar gender.
Lesbian: A lesbian is a woman who is romantically or sexually attracted to people of their same or similar gender.
Bisexual: People who are attracted to both the same gender and other genders may identify as bisexual. Bisexuality can involve attraction to a variety of gender identities, not just male or female, and it doesn’t necessarily mean a person is equally attracted to all genders. Being in a relationship with someone of a specific gender doesn’t change or erase a person’s bisexual identity.
Pansexual: A pansexual is someone who feels romantic or sexual attraction to people of any gender. Pansexuality is often confused with bisexuality, but they are different. While bisexual people are attracted to more than one gender, pansexual people emphasize that gender doesn't affect their attraction – their focus is on the person, not their gender.
Asexual: Asexual people (also called “ace”) feel little to no sexual attraction to others. This means they usually don’t have a desire for sexual relationships, though many asexual people still build close emotional or romantic connections. Some asexual people are also aromantic, meaning they don’t experience romantic attraction, while others may want romantic relationships without sexual attraction. Asexuality is a spectrum – some people might feel sexual attraction in certain situations, while others may not experience it at all.
Androsexual: This term is used to describe people who are attracted to those with masculine qualities, regardless of their gender. This means an androsexual person may feel attraction to men, nonbinary people, or others who express masculinity.
Gynesexual: This term is used to describe people who are attracted to those with feminine qualities, regardless of their gender. This means a gynesexual person may feel attraction to women, nonbinary people, or others who express femininity.
Demisexual: A demisexual person is someone who only feels sexual attraction after building a strong emotional connection with someone. Unlike people who might feel attracted to others right away or based on appearance, demisexual people need to build a close connection first.
Queer: Queer is a broad, flexible term that can mean different things to different people, but it’s often used to describe a sexual orientation or gender identity that doesn’t fit into traditional labels. Although "queer" was once used as an insult, many people in the LGBTQ+ community have reclaimed it as a positive and empowering way to express who they are.
Questioning: Questioning refers to someone who is exploring and figuring out who they are attracted to.
What Determines Sexual Orientation?
Most scientists agree that sexual orientation is the result of a combination of environmental, emotional, hormonal, and biological factors. In other words, many things contribute to a person's sexual orientation, and the factors may be different for different people.
Sexual orientation isn't caused by the way children were reared by their parents, or by something that happened to them when they were young. Also, being gay or bisexual does not mean the person is mentally ill or abnormal in any way. They may face burdens caused by other people’s prejudices or misunderstandings.
How Do People Know Their Sexual Orientation?
Many people discover their sexual orientation as teens or young adults, and in many cases without any sexual experience. For example, someone may notice that their sexual thoughts and activities focus on people of the same gender or both genders. But it’s possible to have fantasies or to be curious about people of the same sex without being gay or bisexual. And they may not pursue those attractions.
Sexual orientation test
There’s no test that can tell someone their sexual orientation. Sexual orientation is a personal experience influenced by feelings, attraction, and experiences that can change over time. Online quizzes might offer some insight, but they are usually meant for self-reflection, rather than offering a definitive answer.
Can Sexual Orientation Be Changed?
Experts agree that sexual orientation isn’t a choice and can’t be changed. Some people who are gay or bisexual may hide their sexual orientation to avoid prejudice from others or shame they may have been taught to feel about their sexuality.
Trying to change someone to a heterosexual orientation, including so-called conversion therapy, doesn’t work and can be damaging. Experts don’t recommend this. In fact, the American Medical Association calls it “clinically and ethically inappropriate.”
Sexual Orientation and Discrimination
People in the LGBTQ+ community have gone through discrimination throughout history and still do today. This can take many forms, like being treated unfairly at work, being denied housing or health care, or facing bullying, harassment, and violence. In the past, same-sex relationships were illegal in most places, and people could be arrested or fired just for being open about their identity. Even now, in many parts of the world, LGBTQ+ people can face imprisonment or worse just for expressing their sexuality.
Minority stress theory
The minority stress theory explains how people from marginalized groups, including the LGBTQ+ community, are put under more stress because of discrimination, prejudice, and social exclusion. This stress can come from direct experiences, like bullying or rejection, and from internal pressures, like feeling the need to hide their identity. Over time, this can take a toll on mental and physical health, leading to higher rates of anxiety, depression, and other challenges.
Fighting sexual orientation discrimination
Everyone can help fight sexual orientation discrimination by learning about LGBTQ+ issues, speaking up against unfair treatment, and supporting inclusive policies.
If you are discriminated against because of your sexual orientation, it’s important to know your rights and keep a record of what happened. Depending on the situation, reporting it to someone in charge, like a manager or teacher, might lead to consequences for the person responsible. LGBTQ+ support groups or a trusted therapist can offer emotional support. In some cases, you might be able to take legal action with help from a lawyer or advocacy organizations.
Are There Support Groups for People Struggling With Their Sexuality?
Yes, various support groups and organizations are available. They can help a person come up with ways to deal with the prejudice, bias, and stereotypes that many LGBTQ+ people have faced at some point, and also address safety, rights, and health issues.
While gay or bisexual orientation isn’t a mental health problem, there are higher rates of depression and substance abuse (including alcohol and other drugs) among lesbian, gay, and bisexual young adults. Suicide risk is also higher among LGBTQ+ people, research shows. The risk is higher for those who came from families who didn’t accept them for who they are, and for those who were bullied or abused.
If you’re thinking about suicide, or are worried about someone who might be, get help.
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available 24/7 at 988. The Trevor Project is a crisis intervention and suicide prevention helpline for LGBTQ+ people younger than 25; it’s available by calling 866-488-7386.
Takeaways
Sexual orientation refers to who a person feels emotionally, romantically, or sexually attracted to. Understanding your sexual orientation can help you learn more about yourself and your identity. Everyone’s experience is unique and can change or evolve over time. There’s no right or wrong way to explore your feelings or discover who you’re attracted to. Talking with trusted friends, family members, or a therapist can make the process easier.
Sexual Orientation FAQs
How do I know my sexual orientation?
Only you can determine your sexual orientation. To better understand it, pay attention to your patterns of emotional, romantic, and sexual attraction. These may change or grow over time.
What is the difference between sexuality and sexual orientation?
While sexual orientation is a part of sexuality, it also includes the other ways you express yourself, including your sexual feelings, behaviors, and sense of identity. Sexual orientation specifically refers to the gender(s) you are attracted to.
What is a “normal” sexual orientation?
There is no “normal” sexual orientation. Everyone’s experience is unique, and all types of sexual orientations are valid.
What is the meaning of sexual identity?
Sexual identity is how you label yourself based on your sexual orientation. It can help you better understand yourself and create a sense of belonging within a community.
Is sexual orientation a choice?
No, sexual orientation is not a choice. It’s a natural part of who you are, shaped by your feelings and experiences, and can’t be changed.
