Few things are as personal as the decisions you make about your sex life. Choosing when to have sex and with whom is a private process, and everyone comes to their own choices about sex. Some people enjoy a full sex life, while others choose to abstain from some or all sexual activity. There are benefits to both options.
People who choose to be celibate can find that not having sex helps their mental health. Some say that sex was a distraction or preoccupation for them and abstinence helps keep their minds clear. Other people find that sex causes them stress, and they're happier not worrying about it.
Learn more about the mental health benefits of celibacy and why some people make that choice.
What Is Celibacy?
Celibacy is the practice of not having sex. But not everyone defines celibacy the same way. Some people abstain from all kinds of sexual contact, including kissing or holding hands. Others only refrain from sexual intercourse. Some people use masturbation in place of partnered sex. Others refrain from that as well.
You might associate celibacy with religion, but faith isn't the only reason why people decide not to have sex.
Reasons for abstaining from sex include:
- Preventing pregnancy or STIs
- Waiting for a certain level of romantic commitment
- Focusing on school or your career
- Managing mental health concerns
- Managing physical health concerns
Choosing the boundaries of celibacy can be empowering for people who want to make thoughtful choices about sex. Some couples choose celibacy together and set up their own parameters. Being able to talk about your personal sexual choices with your partner is a key part of voluntary celibacy.
Celibacy vs. abstinence
Some people use the two terms to mean the same thing — not having sex for a certain period. Abstinence, however, is generally understood to be temporary. For example, you may use it as a birth control method until the time an unwanted pregnancy isn't an issue for you, such as after you're married.
Celibacy implies more of a lifestyle choice, where you're committing to never have any kind of romantic or sexual relationships.
What is involuntary celibacy?
For some people, being celibate isn't deliberate. The term "incel" refers to people who are involuntarily celibate: they would like to be in a sexual relationship, but can't find a partner. It was first used in the late 1990s when a Canadian college student founded an online community of people struggling in their romantic lives. Now, however, it's mainly associated with male-supremacist extremism.
Does celibacy include self-pleasure?
There are no rules around what does or doesn't qualify as celibacy. For some people, it means no sexual activity of any kind. For other people, it just means no penetration; masturbation and some sex acts with a partner are considered OK.
Celibacy Benefits
There's no doubt that sex is a complicated issue. While it's a way that many people express love and affection, it also comes with some risks. For some people, the risks of sex outweigh the benefits, and they feel better if they abstain.
Lower stress. Pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections are serious risks people take if they engage in sexual relationships. Some people prefer to set aside those worries entirely by not having sex. Some people choose to only participate in sexual activities such as kissing, petting, or cuddling. Those activities have a low risk of STIs.
Religious satisfaction. For people who have strong religious beliefs about sex outside of marriage, celibacy can support their spiritual lives. They may feel more connected to their faith and can be less concerned about breaking their religious principles.
Increased focus. While abstaining from sex doesn't directly clear your mind, some people feel more able to concentrate on school or work if they're not thinking about sex. Choosing to be celibate frees them from thinking about or planning sexual encounters. Without sex as a distraction, they can put all their energy into other activities. Studies have found that girls who delay sexual activity are more likely to finish high school.
Healing from trauma or grief. People who have been through a traumatic experience or lost a loved one may need to put all their energy towards healing. Abstinence gives them time to focus on their emotional needs so that they can recover.
Personal development. Some of the spiritual goals of celibacy can apply even if you aren't religious. Some people who opt for celibacy do so to work on things such as self-discipline, mental clarity, mindfulness, and self-awareness.
Decreased spending. If you aren't having sex, you don't need to buy contraceptives such as condoms or birth control pills. Those costs can add up.
Recovery. Treatment for sex addiction involves controlling unhealthy behavior. For some people, giving up sex entirely for a certain period is helpful.
Drawbacks of Celibacy
Involuntary celibacy can be distressing for some people. Not only might they miss the physical pleasure of sexual activity, but they may also be lonely. People who have trouble starting or sustaining meaningful relationships may experience depression and anxiety. In this case, mental health counseling may help them address their relationship questions.
In rare cases, a lack of sex might hurt your health. There are known health benefits to sexual activity, including cardiovascular health, better sleep, pain and stress relief, and immune system strength. It can also lower your risk for prostate cancer, help with bladder control, and protect your vaginal health. However, masturbation and regular exercise can also give you many of these benefits.
Deciding to no longer have sex could do damage to a relationship if you're currently in one. Entering into a period of celibacy if you have a partner can be confusing for your loved one. If your partner doesn't agree to your new plans, it can put a strain on the relationship. You and your partner should have open conversations about sex and respect each other's boundaries.
An additional risk of celibacy is that you may not be prepared if you decide to engage in sex again. If you make a spur-of-the-moment decision to have intercourse, you might not have proper birth control or STI prevention methods lined up. If you are considering sexual activity, make sure you've thought ahead about protecting your health.
Sexual choices are personal. No one should feel pressured to engage or not engage in any sexual activity that doesn't feel right.
Becoming Celibate
If the idea of celibacy appeals to you, and you want to give it a try, here are some tips:
Give it careful thought. It will help to be clear about why you're giving up sex. Make sure it's really what you want, and that you aren't doing it because of pressure from your partner, your family, or society. Consider how the decision may impact other parts of your life.
Define your boundaries. Celibacy means different things to different people. Be clear about what it means to you, and what activities it does or doesn't include. That will also make it easier to explain to others.
Communicate with your partner. If you're already in a relationship, choosing to be celibate can be challenging, and could be a deal-breaker for your partner. You'll need to be honest about your reasons and respect your partner's feelings.
Find sources of support. Even if you're fully committed, celibacy can be difficult to stick to. Plan ahead for situations that will be challenging or tempting. It may help to connect with others who share your views.
Takeaways
Celibacy means giving up sex for a certain period or permanently. It's often associated with religion, but people choose it for a variety of reasons. Some people find it removes a source of stress from their lives and allows them to focus on work, school, or other activities. It can also be helpful for people healing from grief or trauma, or recovering from sex addiction.
