Neil Peterson, a transportation specialist in Seattle, knew something was "not quite right" with his bright, sociable daughter Kelsey when she was in elementary school. "It took her so long to learn to read," Peterson says. "She was not hyperactive, but she had tremendous distractibility and an inability to follow through and stay with something." Kelsey's teachers told Peterson not to worry, and he listened.
On the surface, Kelsey was no different from other kids her age -- all young students,...
"It's so important for parents to show all of their children -- both the child with ADHD and the kids without -- that they are equally loved. But given the needs of a child with ADHD, it takes work to keep it balanced."
Keeping It Equal
When there's a child with ADHD in the family, it's common for their siblings to feel jealous and to act out if they sense their parents' attention shifting away from them.
"It works like a squeaky wheel," says Los Angeles psychotherapist Jenn Berman, PhD. "The child who is being the loudest gets the most attention from the parents."
Usually, that's the child with ADHD, so it's normal for parents to spend most of their energy focusing on meeting that child's special needs, whether it's in therapy, extra time at home doing homework, or a special effort on managing disobedience or impulsivity.
The behavior of children with ADHD can also make them hard to get along with as a peer, which means their brothers or sisters simply might not like being around them.
"The child who doesn't have ADHD might prefer to be at a friend's house than at home, might not invite other kids over to hang out, or might be embarrassed socially," says Dickson, who has a child with ADHD.
School is another outlet for kids who have a brother or sister with ADHD.
"It can be a reprieve where kids can get away from the stress they might be experiencing at home, or kids can use it as an opportunity to act out for attention," says Mark Wolraich, MD, a pediatrics professor at the University of Oklahoma Health Sciences Center.
The bottom line is that parents need to share the love and the attention with all their children, whether or not they have ADHD.