How to Deal With Being Annoyed With Your Partner

Medically Reviewed by Dan Brennan, MD on September 07, 2021
Written by Cheryl Whitten
4 min read

Irritation, annoyance, and anger are all normal emotions. If you’re easily annoyed with your partner, there are ways to manage your feelings. 

Sometimes other people annoy you, and often it’s those you care about the most. It’s common to feel worried about your relationship when you feel constantly annoyed. This doesn’t mean your relationship is in trouble, though. ‌

There could be other reasons why you’re irritated and annoyed. Before you act on your irritation, take inventory of how you feel and what you might need. Consider:

  • Have you had enough sleep in the past week?
  • Do you need 10 minutes or an hour to yourself to relax?
  • Are you angry about another issue that you haven’t discussed?
  • Are you anxious about another problem or event?‌

Paying attention to what’s going on in your life can help you get to the root of your irritation. Addressing the cause can help you deal with being annoyed with your partner. ‌

If you have ongoing irritability, this can be a sign of other health problems like depression, hormonal problems, thyroid problems, or addiction. Make sure to talk to your doctor. 

You’ve probably heard the term “hangry”, which means you’re angry or irritated because you’re hungry. It’s true that hungry people are more likely to have negative emotions and feel stressed. Being hungry doesn’t automatically make you annoyed and cause you to lash out, though. ‌

You’ve likely been hungry and on edge before and managed not to lose your cool or become irritated by someone else. An important part of regulating your emotions is noticing them. ‌

The same study that found connections between hunger and anger also found that the hungry people who spent time in self-awareness didn’t get angry. ‌

You can start becoming self-aware by recognizing how you react when you’re irritated. Do you get angry and aggressive toward others? Do you hold your feelings in and let them fester? Does your annoyance get more and more intense with time? Does your annoyance turn to frustration?

In general, the more time you take to calm yourself, notice how you feel, and think about what exactly is causing your anger and irritation, the better you can handle your emotions. 

Own the fact that your feelings are yours. The annoying way your partner breathes, or chews their food, or leaves their socks on the floor is simply your response to a behavior. They might be surprised if you make a remark since they’re just going about their day, eating their meal or getting undressed.‌

Sometimes your partner might do things to tease you or purposely annoy you. You might have a valid reason for your complaint, but your emotion is yours. Take responsibility for it. This helps you take control and take personal action even if their behavior feels targeted. ‌

The next time you feel irritated, accept how you’re feeling. Use “I” and “my” statements. For example, you can say, “I am feeling annoyed. I need to take a 10-minute break.”

When you’re feeling frustrated and annoyed, it can be easy to pick on the little things that bug you. Decide whether these things matter. Is having a fight about this annoyance going to move you forward? Or is it better to let it go in the moment and bring it up for discussion later when you feel calmer? Sometimes giving yourself a little space and time can help you gain perspective. 

It’s likely that some things are bigger issues that do need to be discussed or aren’t as easily solved. These can be relationship issues, habits, or differences in beliefs that are causing tension. You should address these problems.

Healthy communication is important, but it’s best to try to find solutions when you’re calm. Take a breather and then come back when you’re feeling less irritated. Use “I” statements, take turns talking, and listen to your partner. Calmly discuss how you feel and ask for what you need. ‌

Realize there might be things you can’t change and that you can only be responsible for your behavior. Decide whether these annoying differences are something you can accept.

Feeling annoyed isn’t a sign that your relationship is doomed. Instead, it can be a sign that it’s time to nurture yourself and to honor your feelings. If you have ongoing irritation and relationship problems, consider talking to a therapist.