By Meg Lundstrom
For greater peace of mind, learn the secrets to self-compassion
High self-esteem has long been touted by psychologists as the key to happiness and success. But these days, experts are questioning self-esteem's status as a personal cure-all — noting that it's hard to acquire, even harder to hang on to, and can lead to arrogance and narcissism. What does create a healthy, resilient psyche, it turns out, is self-compassion. When things go badly, a be-kind-to-yourself...
"Daydreaming is looked upon negatively because it represents 'non-doing' in a society that emphasizes productivity," says John McGrail, a clinical hypnotherapist in Los Angeles. "We are under constant pressure to do, achieve, produce, succeed."
But daydreaming can be beneficial in many ways and, ironically, can actually boost productivity. Plus, it's something almost everyone does naturally. Psychologists estimate that we daydream for one-third to one-half of our waking hours, although a single daydream lasts only a few minutes.
At their best, daydreams allow you "a range of possibilities which, in the hard cold light of reality, aren't possible," psychiatrist Stuart Twemlow tells WebMD. Twemlow is director of the Hope Program at The Menninger Clinic in Houston.
Specifically, daydreaming helps you:
Relax. Like meditation, daydreaming allows your mind to take a break, a mini-vacation in which to release tension and anxiety and "return" refreshed. It's also very useful for controlling anxiety and phobias. Say, for example, that you're afraid of flying, which you have to do for an upcoming trip. By mentally rehearsing the various steps involved -- driving to the airport, getting on the plane, taking off, etc. -- you'll be better able to handle the actual events. It also helps to practice deep breathing anytime a certain thought makes you tense.
Manage conflict. The same kind of organized daydreaming -- or visualization -- used to curb anxiety is also useful for personal conflicts. Psychotherapist Tina Tessina calls it "rewinding the tape." As you review in your mind an argument you had with someone, you go back and imagine responding differently than you did. Try this a few times, responding differently each time, and you'll begin to figure out better ways of dealing with the person in the future. "This exercise really helps you avoid your standard knee-jerk reactions," Tessina tells WebMD.
Maintain relationships. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, especially among daydreamers. Happy couples tend to think about one another when they're apart, which has the effect of psychologically maintaining the relationship, says James Honeycutt, PhD, author of Imagined Interactions: Daydreaming about Communication. "We daydream about the people we love," Honeycutt tells WebMD. "We imagine sharing good news with them, along with our successes and failures. Unhappy couples daydream about arguments and ruminate about conflict while happy individuals think positively ahead."