By Jenny Allen
Some women find happiness by taking off for exotic, far-flung places — think of Elizabeth Gilbert, the author of Eat, Pray, Love, circling the globe. Gretchen Rubin, on the other hand, found it right at home. Rubin, a New York City lawyer turned writer, didn't want to roam; she had a husband she was crazy about, two young daughters, a lovely home, a close extended family, good friends, and a satisfying career. She had, in short, a grown-up life.
Which she loved — but, she admits,...
You may be one of those people who cry at the drop of a hat -- not to
mention weddings, birthday parties, your kids' school plays, and the humane
society public service announcements showing those adorable dogs in need of new
Or you may be the type who can't remember when you last cried.
Either way, crying often catches the often-teary eyed or the usually stoic
off guard -- striking at a time or place where you don't want to weep -- and
others don't want to watch you weep.
Just ask New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick, normally stoic, who got
teary as he announced the retirement of his star linebacker Tedy Bruschi. Or
Hilary Clinton, whose tears one night on the 2008 presidential campaign trail
were splashed across TV screens.
Football coaches and politicians crying in public may reflect a society
that's evolving to become a bit more comfortable with emotion. But crying in
front of people can still be awkward for the person crying and people around
What's behind our crying? Why do some people cry so much more or less
readily than others? And what's the best way to handle all those tears? Is
there a way not to cry when it's totally inappropriate, such as in response to
your boss declining that request for a raise? Researchers and therapists
who study crying share what they've learned -- and what still puzzles them.
Why Do You Cry?
The ''why'' of crying may seem obvious and straightforward: You're happy or
sad. But that's too simplistic.
''Crying is a natural emotional response to certain feelings, usually
sadness and hurt. But then people [also] cry under other circumstances and
occasions," says Stephen Sideroff, PhD, a staff psychologist at Santa
Monica--University of California Los Angeles & Orthopaedic Hospital and
clinical director of the Moonview Treatment Center in Santa Monica, Calif.
For instance, he says, ''people cry in response to something of beauty.
There, I use the word 'melting.' They are letting go of their guard, their
defenses, tapping into a place deep inside themselves."
Crying does serve an emotional purpose, says Sideroff, also an assistant
clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA David Geffen School of Medicine.
"It's a release. There is a buildup of energy with feelings."
It can also be a survival mechanism, notes Jodi DeLuca, PhD, a
neuropsychologist at Tampa General Hospital in Florida. ''When you cry," she
says, "it's a signal you need to address something." Among other things, it may
mean you are frustrated, overwhelmed or even just trying to get someone's
attention, which DeLuca and other researchers call a ''secondary gain''