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4. Make Time for Sex

It may seem strange to schedule a time for sex. But when you have lupus, choosing the right time for sex can be crucial.

“You want to choose a time when you have the energy and you don’t have any other distractions,” says Jolly. “I often suggest that couples plan ahead for sex and put it in their schedule. Choose a time when you can really relax and enjoy your time together.”

Because fatigue is a common symptom for people with lupus, it may be helpful to schedule sex for the time of day when you have the most energy. Or, you may choose to take a nap before you plan to have sex. “At first, fatigue was a big symptom for me, so we had to learn to plan for sex when I still had energy,” says Brown.

5. Nurture Your Love Relationship

Find ways to connect with your partner that aren’t sexual. “It’s important to nurture all aspects of your relationship,” says Grusd. Make sure to spend time together doing things you both enjoy -- whether it’s reading, walking, watching movies, or just talking.

“My wife and I have a lot of fun together, and really enjoy each other’s company,” says Brown. “In a way, that’s more important than the sex. Being able to share a laugh together is one of the most crucial parts of our relationship. It’s what gets us through the times that are more challenging.”

6. See Yourself as a Sexual Person

Sometimes, how you feel about yourself or your body can also be a barrier to sex. “I had a hard time feeling sexy when I needed other people to do things for me,” says Brown. “That was a big hurdle for me to get over. But I learned that the issue was in my own head, and it didn’t affect how my wife saw me.”

“You may not feel attractive or sexy if you’re dealing with weight gain, hair loss, or skin rashes,” says Grusd. “But it’s important to continue to see yourself as a sexual, vibrant person.”

Trying to keep an upbeat, positive attitude can help. “Your attitude can really play a big part in how you feel about yourself,” says Grusd. Taking care of yourself by eating well, exercising, and getting enough rest can also help you feel better, both physically and mentally. A therapist or support group may also help give your self-esteem a positive boost.

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