Bipolar in the Family

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Video Transcript

SUBJECT 1
Hello. This is our family vacation. We're on our way to Rapid City. We're almost there. There's mom.

SUBJECT 2
This is the first time we've really, really talked--

SUBJECT 4
As a group.

SUBJECT 2
Yes.

SUBJECT 3
I think I had a great childhood. I don't know if it was normal, per se.

SUBJECT 1
Well, let's go outside.

SUBJECT 4
I remember your birthday party was the first time we kind of realized that something was wrong.

SUBJECT 3
I think it was fifth grade.

SUBJECT 4
Fifth grade--

SUBJECT 3
Yep. That's my first memory of it, too.

SUBJECT 4
She didn't go because she was sitting in the recliner in the living room. And she, like, wasn't there.

SUBJECT 2
I was very, very bad. I was, like, psychotic.

SUBJECT 4
It was just kind of almost like a catatonic look.

SUBJECT 3
And I remember when we came home, you were still in the chair. And I think they called the ambulance to come and take you.

SUBJECT 2
Yes.

SUBJECT 3
And so that was probably the first time I ever realized something was wrong, like mom was sick.

SUBJECT 2
I wasn't diagnosed until my son was born, which was after the girls. That's when it really affected me. I was hospitalized 13 times in 15 years.

I just felt like when I was depressed, I wasn't being a good mother. When they wanted to go somewhere, I didn't feel like taking them. They went to school-- back to bed I go. I'd stay in bed all day. They'd come home. I'd get up. I wasn't there for their homecoming, for birthdays. I feel bad about that.

SUBJECT 3
When you're depressed, you have a hard time cleaning and doing those sort of things. So I cleaned the house so that she would feel comfortable enough. I think I spent a lot of time trying to either make her happy or make her comfortable.

I always felt supported, like my mom was there to talk to. It just felt like you didn't want to give her too much.

SUBJECT 4
I remember her being like, I can't do any of this, and then going back upstairs. So we wanted to keep the house clean as much as possible.

If she did come downstairs, it wasn't like she was just going to go right back upstairs. There's nothing else she has to do besides just be down here with us. I forgot about all that.

SUBJECT 3
Yeah.

SUBJECT 2
When I'm manic, I do come up with big ideas. I started the Batavia City-Wide Garage Sale.

SUBJECT 3
And you did that radio show for a long time.

SUBJECT 2
Oh, I forgot about the radio show.

SUBJECT 3
Yeah.

SUBJECT 4
Well, you were the president of the PTO, too.

SUBJECT 2
Oh, yes.

SUBJECT 4
She's sweet. And she's likable. And then you dial all that up when she's manic, and she has an idea where she's like, this is the best idea ever. People buy into that.

SUBJECT 2
When I was manic, I felt like I was a better parent, now that I think about it now.

SUBJECT 3
Usually, how you can tell when you're manic-- the speech gets really fast. I love you. You are so sweet. Everybody loves you. When she's on the verge of getting manic, a little bit of that sweetness goes away.

SUBJECT 4
There's more of an edge to it, like, yup, she's manic. Yup. We hear it. We know it.

SUBJECT 3
Did you get a package from QVC on your doorstep?

SUBJECT 4
Right. Yup.

SUBJECT 3
Yes, we did.

SUBJECT 2
I love to shop. And that kind of goes along with the bipolar. I buy them a lot when I'm manic.

SUBJECT 4
Some of the stuff is great. But I remember you sent me and Rob this huge porch swing. Do you remember that?

SUBJECT 3
Sometimes it's hard to tell. Most of the time, you just like sending us stuff.

SUBJECT 2
Yes.

SUBJECT 3
But it's when it becomes, I think, extravagant, then I come over here and I also see that you have several boxes.

SUBJECT 2
I'm divorced. And I think that that was a big thing.

SUBJECT 4
I remember a lot of arguments about money. And that's kind of typical between husband and wife, like my dad just seeing all these packages coming and being like, we can't afford this. But she just would keep going.

SUBJECT 2
They're very good daughters. They are my support system. They are the ones that I go to. And now my ex-husband and I are very good friends. We are grandparents to our grandchildren.

SUBJECT 3
You need to have those people in your life who are like, you're not answering the phone. I'm coming over. We're going to deal with this.

SUBJECT 2
I understand more. And I listen to them. And I realize that they love me. And they support me. And I don't take it the wrong way.

SUBJECT 4
I feel like we have a much more understanding of mental illness than a lot of people out there. It's a disease. It was not her choice. This is a medical condition that she has had to deal with. So to feel guilty for something that you can't control is a waste of time.

SUBJECT 3
You did absolutely everything you were supposed to or could have done. You took your medication. You saw your doctor. You advocated for yourself.

SUBJECT 2
Thanks. Thanks-- because I sometimes feel so guilty to hear them say that makes me--

SUBJECT 3
We love you.

SUBJECT 2
I know.

SUBJECT 3
You did a good job.

SUBJECT 2
I can't believe how well they turned out in spite of--

SUBJECT 3
Maybe because of. Maybe we learned some life skills that are important, like empathy, like support.

SUBJECT 2
Yeah.

SUBJECT 4
We are very good in crises, too.

SUBJECT 3
We are amazing.

SUBJECT 4
Both of our jobs-- like, we are the people to go to. So that's a positive spin on things.

[LAUGHTER]

SUBJECT 1
There's [INAUDIBLE]. Let's look at the road again. Well, talk to you later. See ya.