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The "Food-Family Connection": Letting Go at Last


What do I mean by "giving back"? In therapy, I gave back the pain and defensiveness my parents passed along to me. I said, "I don't want this anymore. It was there when I needed it, along with food and my fat, when I couldn't see other ways of dealing with my life. Now I have the opportunity to understand it, thank it for being there when I needed it, and let it go, with love."

Here's something I wrote when I first began to stop holding my family responsible for who I became as an adult:

"Mother, I understand now, and I love you so much. I'm so sorry for the pain and fear that hurt you and shaped your whole life while you were still so young. And I celebrate your real qualities: love, giving, warmth, humor, that were there within you all along and that you passed on to me. I welcome them into my life and consider them your gifts to me. The false, manipulative, defensive qualities you and others before you passed on to me, I GIVE BACK -- not to you, for you endured enough, but to the Higher Power who set us on this path. He will know what to do with them.

"I love you, Mother -- the mother that you were meant to be and that now, in my newly understanding heart, you are."



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