Saving Your Sex Life When You're Depressed
How to keep your sex life -- and relationship -- alive when you're dealing with depression.
Work With Your Doctor
Antidepressant drug side effects can be tied to the dose prescribed. So sometimes simply lowering the dose will treat the depression without blocking sexual desire, says Goodwin, who has worked with the drug companies Schering-Plough, Pfizer, and Astra-Zeneca UK.
But don't tweak the dose yourself. Talk with your doctor if you have sexual side effects from antidepressants (or any other drug).
Goodwin says patients often don't start enjoying sex more until after being on an antidepressant for a few months. And there are antidepressants that don't affect sex drive.
St. John’s wort, an herbal remedy, has also been studied as a treatment for mild to moderate depression. A recent study showed that it helped patients’ depression without curbing libido. But many experts still stand by antidepressant drugs as the best way to manage chronic depression.
If you're taking St. John's wort, or any other herbal remedy, tell your doctor so they can watch out for drug interactions. Also, keep in mind that, unlike prescription drugs, the FDA doesn't require safety and efficacy tests of herbal products and supplements.
Breaking the Pattern
“The big challenge for doctors treating patients with chronic depression is that the person has been thinking about himself or herself that way for so long that it becomes a habit,” Goodwin says.
“Just correcting the brain chemistry isn’t going to fix the problem," Goodwin says. "Some things need to be unlearned with psychotherapy." That unlearning, he says, can help people bond with loved ones in new and exciting ways.
Talking about depression with your partner, understanding the treatment options, and exploring new ways to enjoy sex, such as extended foreplay if reaching orgasm is a problem, can help strengthen strained relationships, experts say.
Talk to Your Partner
Stambaugh says the key to improving one’s sex life is to start talking with your partner.
He also notes an exciting sex life doesn’t always mean wearing sexy lingerie or watching pornography together. He doesn’t routinely recommend erotica or sex toys or role playing or that people need to be more acrobatic in bed to achieve enjoyable sex.
That’s because what’s pleasurable, Stambaugh says, depends entirely on the couple. What’s important, he says, is that it appeal to both partners and they are both comfortable with what they want out of sex.
"Just the having the conversation about what you want sexually reduces the negative feelings that are folded into the depression,” he says. “Arriving at the right answer to these things means working with your partner.”
It’s also important for patients with depression and their partners to understand there’s no standard for how often you should be having sex or how you should enjoy sex.
Too often, Stambaugh says, people turn to society or the media to define their sexual identities. “They really should ask themselves ‘Do I want this?’ or ‘Am I truly expressing what I am feeling?’ That’s key.”