Dating Dangers: Love's a Minefield
Dating advice from the experts about how to find Mr. or Ms. Right.
Danger: Dying of Boredom
A date isn't a therapy session; don't ramble about lost loves
or your personal problems too much, Falzone says.
At the beginning, your dates don't need to know about your
insecurities, your dead-end job, your failed relationships, he says. It's one
thing to show depth of character, but revealing inner demons can be a turn-off.
Keep the conversation lively and fun, and slowly reveal the real you.
If you look back fondly on a past relationship, the message
comes across that you're not over it -- causing your new romantic interest to
feel threatened, jealous, or insecure, says Falzone. Showing bitterness over a
breakup can make your date wonder if you badmouth all former flames. Sure, you
need to bring up past relationships at some point. But too much too soon can
lead to trouble.
Danger: Getting Cynical
Sure, dating can be frustrating, even disillusioning. But don't
let it get you down. If you're feeling negative, you'll scare off the good
ones. Get out, meet people, and be open to new people and new experiences.
You'll meet someone. After all, dating is a process of elimination -- you just
haven't met the right one yet.
"I think some people are much more rigid or sure about what
they want," says Schwartz. "They don't want to make the same stupid
mistakes. But feeling jaded, that's a self-invented problem. There are many
good people out there. If you have a 50-item list of criteria, if you're too
specific about what you want, too rigid, you're going to find yourself alone
Her dating advice: Look beyond the bald head and other
imperfections. "Have an open, optimistic mind. You've got to have
enthusiasm, imagination. I know a 50-year-old woman who thought she wanted an
intellectual. But she met a cowboy and is having a great time! When people say
they're cynical, jaded, they're really scared of having to change a little
Danger: Is It Date Rape?
Here's the really serious stuff -- a woman is vulnerable to
rape in her own home, or even if she voluntarily goes to someone else's home.
Even if she consents to some activity, that does not imply consent for
all sexual activity. When a woman says, "No" or "Stop"
that means STOP. Even if alcohol or drugs are involved, even if she doesn't put
up a fight -- even if she's a former girlfriend -- it's rape if she says,