Nov. 6, 2000 -- Susan Sellers' life is harried; so is her husband Mitchell's. Together, the couple run a demanding and rapidly growing furnishings business in Santa Monica, Calif., and share responsibility for Eli, their 2 1/2-year-old son. Their days are long and pressured, and both feel the strain of life in a fast-moving era. Yet despite having equally tension-filled lives, the Sellers handle the stress in totally different ways.
"When I have a bad day, I'll come home and play with my son, then call friends and tell them about what happened," says Susan, 39, now pregnant with the couple's second child.
By Catherine Guthrie
Simple, field-tested strategies you can use right now
You know what stress looks like: The sun rises; so do you. Your child suddenly remembers that he needs cupcakes for the school party. The dog's gotten sick in the living room. Your spouse leaves for work in a huff after a pre-breakfast tiff over finances. You leave for work without a report that's due today. You double back, grab it from the kitchen counter, trip over an Everest of laundry — must we go on?
"When Mitch has a bad day, he won't talk about it. He internalizes everything." His behavior, though less aggressive, reminds her of her father's when she was growing up. "My father would come home from work and get really angry with us about little things, then stomp around the house."
The difference in coping styles in the Sellers' family could simply be due to their different personality styles. But it might also be owing to their different genders, suggests a new study published in the July 2000 issue of Psychological Review.
When researchers from UCLA analyzed data from hundreds of biological and behavioral studies (both human and animal), they concluded that females were more likely to deal with stress by "tending and befriending" -- that is, nurturing those around them and reaching out to others. Men, on the other hand, were more likely to sequester themselves or initiate a confrontation, behavior in line with the "fight or flight" response that's long been associated with stress.
Men and women's different reactions to stress might be more than just an interesting observation; it could account for differences in their longevity and health. "Women enjoy a greater life expectancy than men," says Shelley E. Taylor, PhD, a professor of psychology at UCLA and lead author of the study. "One reason may be that the tend-and-befriend system protects them from some of the damaging effects of stress."
The Hormone Connection
The researchers found that all signs point largely to oxytocin, a hormone that promotes both maternal and social behavior and enhances relaxation, as the key factor behind the gender difference.