Nov. 6, 2000 -- Susan Sellers' life is harried; so is her
husband Mitchell's. Together, the couple run a demanding and rapidly growing
furnishings business in Santa Monica, Calif., and share responsibility for Eli,
their 2 1/2-year-old son. Their days are long and pressured, and both feel the
strain of life in a fast-moving era. Yet despite having equally tension-filled
lives, the Sellers handle the stress in totally different ways.
"When I have a bad day, I'll come home and play with my
son, then call friends and tell them about what happened," says Susan, 39,
now pregnant with the couple's second child.
By Andrea Cooper
These four hands-on therapies can ease your stress, anxiety, pain, and
more. Read on to find the best remedy for you.
Several years ago, Mike, my psychologist, urged me to see someone else for
help in dealing with my stress. But he wasn’t referring me to another talk
therapist. He thought I should try some sessions with Dana, a massage therapist
specially trained to treat trauma victims. I had been abused as a child, and
Mike thought that Dana might help me through...
"When Mitch has a bad day, he won't talk about it. He
internalizes everything." His behavior, though less aggressive, reminds her
of her father's when she was growing up. "My father would come home from
work and get really angry with us about little things, then stomp around the
The difference in coping styles in the Sellers' family could
simply be due to their different personality styles. But it might also be owing
to their different genders, suggests a new study published in the July 2000
issue of Psychological Review.
When researchers from UCLA analyzed data from hundreds of
biological and behavioral studies (both human and animal), they concluded that
females were more likely to deal with stress by "tending and
befriending" -- that is, nurturing those around them and reaching out to
others. Men, on the other hand, were more likely to sequester themselves or
initiate a confrontation, behavior in line with the "fight or flight"
response that's long been associated with stress.
Men and women's different reactions to stress might be more
than just an interesting observation; it could account for differences in their
longevity and health. "Women enjoy a greater life expectancy than men,"
says Shelley E. Taylor, PhD, a professor of psychology at UCLA and lead author
of the study. "One reason may be that the tend-and-befriend system protects
them from some of the damaging effects of stress."
The Hormone Connection
The researchers found that all signs point largely to oxytocin,
a hormone that promotes both maternal and social behavior and enhances
relaxation, as the key factor behind the gender difference.