Are You Too Sensitive?
Do you take things too personally? Overanalyze the situation? Feel defensive? Then you are almost certainly among the group classified as Highly Sensitive People.
By Helen Kirwan-Taylor
Many years ago I had a falling-out with a girlfriend that proved so painful, I can hardly talk about it today. My friend (let's call her Mary) was a colorful television personality and had the world at her feet. She was engaged to a handsome European, and her face was plastered across the newspapers. I was working for 60 Minutes at the time, and we often met for lunch. Then one day her show was canceled and she asked me - casually, as though it didn't really matter - if I'd put her forward as a reporter for 60 Minutes. Thinking she was as tough as she seemed and that she hardly needed my help anyway (I was certain she had many other job offers on the table), I answered that I was just a minion at 60 Minutes and that besides, they had millions of people hankering to work there. I suggested she instead call another friend of hers who I felt was in a much better position to make such a pitch.
Mary never spoke to me again. I called and called. I even sent her a present for I don't know what, but a wall had gone up. At the time, I remember being completely baffled - what, exactly, had I done? Today, I would have understood completely. Mary is an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person), and was simply behaving in a way that's consistent with that personality's characteristics. Too emotionally cautious to come out and say she needed the job (lest I reject or judge her), she acted as though it didn't matter. Years later, I heard through friends that she thought I couldn't be bothered to help and that I hadn't cared how vulnerable she clearly felt. It was a complete misunderstanding, and it cost me that friendship.
Though I didn't know it then, I too am an HSP, and have since learned to identify a range of HSP behaviors and responses, both in myself and in others. What's more, people in general are becoming increasingly aware of this condition, allowing HSPs freedom from having to hide their sensitive natures behind a veneer of hostility or self-assurance. Elaine Aron, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist based in San Francisco and author of The Highly Sensitive Person, first identified what she calls the "Highly Sensitive Personality" in an academic paper in the early '90s. She spent the next two decades getting her message out. According to Aron, what all HSPs share is an uncommon ability to pick up on subtleties that others might miss - a look, a feeling, a message embedded in a seemingly straightforward statement. "It's like they're wearing an extra pair of glasses," she says.