Stop your thoughts
The first step is to stop your negative thoughts or "self-talk." Self-talk is what you think and believe about
yourself and your experiences. It's like a running commentary in your head.
Your self-talk may be positive and helpful. Or it may be negative and not
helpful.
Ask about your thoughts
The next step is to ask yourself whether your thoughts are helpful or unhelpful. Does
the evidence support your negative thought? Some of your self-talk may be true.
Or it may be partly true but exaggerated. There are several kinds of irrational
thoughts. Here are a few types to look for:
- Focusing on the negative: This is sometimes called filtering. You filter out the good
and focus only on the bad. Example: "I'm sad that I don't have many friends.
People must not like me." Reality: You have some friends. So that means you're
likable and can make more friends if you want them.
- Should: People sometimes have set ideas about how they
"should" act. If you hear yourself saying that you or other people "should,"
"ought to," or "have to" do something, then you might be setting yourself up to
feel bad. Example: "I should get married before I'm 30. If I don't, it means
I'm a loser." Reality: There's nothing wrong with having a timeline in mind.
But you're not being fair to yourself if you make your self-worth depend on
meeting a deadline.
- Overgeneralizing: This
is taking one example and saying it's true for everything. Look for words such
as "never" and "always." Example: "I got laid off. I'll never get another job."
Reality: Many people lose their jobs because of downsizing and other things
beyond their control. It doesn't mean that you won't be able to get another
job.
- All-or-nothing thinking: This is also
called black-or-white thinking. Example: "If I don't get a big raise at my next
review, then it means I have no future with this company." Reality: There's
nothing wrong with wanting a big raise. But if you don't get the raise, there
may be reasons for it that have nothing to do with you.
Choose your thoughts
The next step is to choose a more positive, helpful thought to replace the unhelpful one.
Keeping a journal of your thoughts
is one of the best ways to practice stopping, asking, and choosing your thoughts. It makes you aware of your self-talk. Write down any negative or
unhelpful thoughts you had during the day. If you think you might not remember
at the end of your day, keep a notepad with you so you can write down any
irrational thoughts as they happen. Then write down a helpful message to
correct the unhelpful thought.
If you do this every day, positive
or helpful thoughts will soon come naturally to you.
But there may
be some truth in some of your negative thoughts. You may have some things you
want to work on. If you didn't perform as well as you would like on something,
write that down. You can work on a plan to correct or improve that area.
If you want, you also could write down what kind of irrational thought
you had. Journal entries might look something like this:
Thought diaryStop your negative thought | Ask what type of negative thought you had
| Choose a positive, helpful thought |
"I'm sad that I don't have
many friends. People must not like me." | Focusing on
negative | "I have some friends, so I know I can make
friends." |
"I should get married before
I'm 30. If I don't, it means I'm a loser." | Should | "There's no guarantee that I'll meet the
right person by the time I'm 30. If I don't get married by then, I still have
time to find a good relationship." |
"I got laid off. I'll never get
another job." | Overgeneralizing | "Our company ran into financial trouble, so
I got laid off. It may take some time to get another job, but I know I
will." |
"If I don't get a big raise at
my next review, then it means I have no future with this company." | All or nothing | "I would love to get a big raise. But it
might not be in the company's budget this year." |
Which of these thoughts is an example of positive
thinking?
This answer is
incorrect.
This is an example of an irrational thought
called overgeneralizing. You may have had some relationships that didn't last.
But that doesn't mean that you will never meet someone and have a loving
relationship.
This answer is
correct.
This is a positive thought. You admit that you
feel bad about something, but you're not blaming yourself. You're taking action
to see if there is anything you can do to improve your chances next time.
How can a daily journal help you have more positive
thoughts?
This answer is
incorrect.
Both answers are correct. A daily journal can
help you be aware of your self-talk and have more positive thoughts. As soon as
you write down an unhelpful thought, you can write a positive thought to
correct it.
This answer is
incorrect.
Both answers are correct. Writing in the journal
every day will help positive thinking come naturally to you. It takes some
practice. It took a long time for negative thinking to become automatic. So it
may take some time to get used to having positive thoughts.